Ding dong, the bitch is dead! (Get it? It's a play off of the Wizard of Oz - except I said "bitch" instead of "witch". Oh, and I'm referring to Bill. Calling him a bitch. But he's not actually dead. He just lost one game. Still, you know, it's the little victories that mean the most. Anyway.)
Earl v. Bill
It was bound to happen sometime, and week 6 was that sometime. Earl did what Jeremy was only able to threaten in week 5 and finally gave Bill his first loss of the season. In fairness, Earl didn't exactly have his work cut out for him as the previously invulnerable looking Bill only managed to put up 75 points for the second straight week. The low score could partially be blamed on what we all hope will happen for six more weeks at SOME point this season - Zeke being out of the starting lineup. (This week it was just a bye, not criminal justice.) But Bill also only had three players post double digit scores: Gronk (20 points), TB12 (16 points) and the artist formerly known as Kareem Hunt (10 points). The rest of his starting scrubs were only able to total up 29 points - exactly two less than the New Orleans D scored for Earl! Ouch. And yet, despite all this terribleness, Bill was somehow able to escape taking home even a single negative trophy. Lame.
As for Earl, getting 31 points from your D is a good way to start your day. But then again ,so is getting a combined 64 points from your starting RBs: LeVeon Bell (26 points), Leonard Fournette (24 points) and Doug Martin (14 points). To make matters even more frightening for the rest of us - Earl also had the corpse of Adrian Peterson on his bench with 27 points! And speaking of corpses, Larry Fitzgerald woke up with 20 points after another two week hiatus from the big boy score sheet. Outside of those notables, Earl didn't have a whole lot else going on. But as it turns out, having a few misfires in your starting lineup doesn't much matter when your 5 good players score 40 more points than your opponent's whole team and Earl STILL takes home the Strong Like Abe with 136 points. If keeps up this high level of play, he'll be back where he belongs (third place) at the end of the season for sure!
Looking ahead: Earl will face the ever mercurial Trash Pandas in week 7 while Bill will hope to score at least 76 points against the Pig Skins - just to prove he's trending in the right direction.
Jared v. Jeremy
Our second highest scoring bought was another close game for Jeremy that he, of course, managed to lose anyway. On the up side: Mike Evans (15 points) scored his third TD of the season. On the down side: Mike Evans apparently only scores TDs on even numbered weeks. On the flip side: Tyreek Hill (6 points) seems to only put up double digit scores on odd numbered weeks. On the... okay, I'm gonna stop that now. Jeremy did benefit from Mark Ingrams 27 point outburst in his first week as the clear early down back for the Saints. But in the end, RBP's week rested on the shoulders of the Titans D who were NOT able to put up the 19 points they would've needed to steal a win from Jared on Monday night.
And speaking of Jared - I'm not gonna lie, I was actually confused how he cobbled together 94 points this week when I looked at his box score. (But I added it up, and the math seems correct.) I mean, 26 points from Antonio Brown is nothing to sneeze at. (PS: Even though Big Ben hasn't quite looked himself - at least he's still on the field. Meanwhile, Jordy Nelson has a guy who's never started an NFL game throwing to him for the rest of the season. Moral of the story: NEVER TRADE WITH JARED.) <clears throat> Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh right, Jared's few good players. Right. His other trade robbery, Todd Gurley, was able to put up 13 points against Jacksonville - though when a guy has been putting up numbers in the 20's and 30's I think it's fair to say he ONLY put up 13 points. And that no good, piece of trash bum that Tim is still mad about (Cam Newton) put up 18 points in a game that was also off his pace of recent weeks but still pretty decent. Other than those three, everyone else in Jared's starting lineup was in the single digits. But apparently high enough single digits to get him the win, so who's counting? (Besides me. I'm always counting.)
Looking forward to week 7. Jeremy faces a top tier team for the third straight week as he matches up with Andrew. Maybe THIS will be the week he pulls of a big upset? (But probably not.) Jared, on the other hand, has an easier matchup against... wait a minute... Jared is projected for less points than Matt? Yikes. Maybe he better hope that math is off too.
Andrew v. Matt
Matchup number three improbably includes the aforementioned Matt. Not because of anything he did, of course. It was all Andrew pumping up this score!
After a pretty disappointing first 2 weeks of the season, Stranger Things QB Kirk Cousins (28 points) looks to be at full speed and not slowing down anytime soon. He can wave to Melvin Gordon (26 points) as they cruise along, because outside of one down week against Philly in week 3 - Gordon has been on fire himself. Shoot, even Carlos Hyde (18 points) went ahead and dispelled those rumors of a time share in San Fran with a big week 6. Maybe he'll keep it up too - until he gets hurt. But EVEN THEN, Andrew had Jerrick McKinnon waiting on the bench with 20 points. (Because doesn't everyone spend $20 FAB on a player and then bench them?) It's almost like Andrew just wanted to say, "Odell who?" with this win. (But we all know he still cries a little bit every time he hears his name.)
As for Matt... oh geez. I don't even know where to begin with this train wreck. I mean, I guess you have to lead off with probably losing QB Aaron Rodgers (Ze-ro points) for the rest of the season with a broken collar bone. And that certainly can't mean good things ahead for recently acquired WR Jordy Nelson (6 points). Then there's TE Ed Dickson, who followed up his 19 point week 5 with... 3 points in week 6? Eww. But hey, at least you can count on Devin Funchess to score a TD! Oh. No? Just three points for him too? Cripes. I don't know what to say. Let's just cling to the one silver lining: Golden Tate (16 points) had his best score of the season and almost had his first 100 yard receiving game. Maybe he's finally breaking out? (Just kidding. He hurt his shoulder and could miss multiple weeks.) Matt takes home the 90 pound weakling AND the catcher this week. So I guess his only real silver lining is that he didn't win more bad things.
According to ESPN's prognosticators: Matt (2-4) is actually a 1.8 point favorite over Jared (5-1) in week 7. Andrew (5-1) is also a favorite over Jeremy (2-4) - but only by 9.6 points. I'll go on record as saying I'll be shocked if either of those predictions is correct - although for vastly different reasons!
James v. Dustin
The participation ribbon for closest matchup of the week goes to the six points margin between these two losers. (No, really, they were both 1-4 coming into the week - so it's okay to call them losers.) But with 86 and 80 points respectively, it was nowhere close to as embarrassing as it could've been!
James had four players with (barely) double digit scores - including Drew Brees (11 points) who put up his worst score of the season, despite the fact that his game's final score was 52-38! At least one member of James' team benefited from that rout, though, as Marvin Jones scored 14 points in his first double digit game of the season. Jordan Howard (17 points) also had a fine return to form against the lackluster Baltimore run defense to buoy James' score to a level just above mediocre, which was all he needed to move out of the league basement... for the time being.
And while we're on the topic of mediocre - there's Dustin! His slightly more mediocre score also boasted four double digit contributors: newly acquired QB DeShaun Watson (15 points), free agent gold Chris Thompson (14 points), the surprisingly decent Michael Crabtree (11 points) and some guy named Kenny Still (10 points). The most notable double digit score for Dustin, however, came from Derrick Henry - who put up 25 points on Monday Night football... from the ASD bench. Womp! (Sure, he did previously put up consecutive goose eggs in weeks 4 and 5, but still.) So while Dustin couldn't take home his second win of the season - he could at least take home his second BBB trophy! (A league leading 9th negative trophy, FYI.)
In week 7 - James would probably gladly settle for mediocre again as he faces a just plain bad Pepe Silvia team. The bad news for James is that he's currently listed as an underdog, even though his opponent is 1-5 on the season. Elsewhere, another 1-5 team (Dustin) is also a favorite in a matchup with a 2-4 team (Kevin). Captivating action, kids!
Tim v. Nick
Just as it wasn't Matt's fault that his match was a top scorer, it wasn't Tim's fault that his match was a low scorer. That blame falls squarely on the formerly first place shoulders of Nick. Outside of the Giants D, who put up a pretty silly 18 points on Sunday Night Football against Denver, Nick had absolutely nothing going this week. Single digits from everyone else except Matt Ryan (10 points), who got a decent score for a TE - but not really for a Super Bowl caliber QB. There was some static from at least one league member (Jared) that Nick was going to rally after his big defensive showing on Sunday night. But Eric Decker (8 points) and T.Y. Hilton (1 point) didn't quite come anywhere close to the 49 points they would've had to score in order for that bold prediction to pan out. <eye roll>
On Tim's side of the tape - Jay Ajayi (15 points) looked like an NFL running back for a change! And Christian McCaffrey (14 points) looked like maybe he won't be a complete waste of a third round pick! And even though his TD streak is bound to end at some point, Will Fuller (15 points) scored a TD for his third week in a row! If everything went wrong for Nick, (almost) everything went right for Tim. You know - except for that 2 point bomb from Terrell Pryor, of course. (But we won't talk about that, because it might make Matt feel bad for trading for him a couple days later.) Tim moves to 3-3 and is well on pace to finish 6-7, since he apparently can't win on odd numbered weeks.
A trend that actually looks pretty spot on to continue as Tim faces the suddenly blazing hot Earl in week 7. Nick on the other hand has lost two of his last three (since Dalvin Cook was injured) and will need some magic (and to start Carson Wentz) against Bill if he wants to stop the bleeding anytime soon.
Kevin v. Eric
Ah, the bottom. How apropos that we find our other couple of losers all the way down here. At least 69 to 51 is truly a terrible score to go along with the records here. We can talk about it for a second, I guess. If we have to.
Eric finally found a trade partner to take DeShaun Watson off his hands in the early part of week 6, so of course Jameis Winston (2 points) had a stinker and also got injured in the ensuing weekend. Michael Thomas (1 points) managed just 3 receptions for 11 yards in a ridiculously high scoring game in the Big Easy. Amari Cooper (2 points) continued to spin his wheels even with Derek Carr back at QB in Oakland. There were some bright spots, but I don't want to talk about them and ruin the feel of this recap.
Kevin did a little better, but not by much. He won because the LA Defense (17 points) played against Blake Bortles. That's pretty much the long and short of it. Davante Adams (11 points) managed a double digit score despite Aaron Rodgers' injury. In fact: he did all of his damage after Rodgers had already left the game. So I guess that's a hopeful sign for the weeks to come? Maybe. But Andre Ellington put up a goose egg, James White could only manage 4 points and alleged RB1 Lamar Miller topped out at 8 points - so RB continues to be an obvious weakness for the artist formerly known as Fenstermacher. Kevin somehow moves to 2-4 anyway and is theoretically still trending in the right direction in the standings, even if not on the stat sheet.
Kevin will hope for another win against Dustin, even though it probably doesn't matter. Dito for Eric vs. James. Look for their names in this same general area of the recap next week.
Sports?
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Week 5
Wow. The week of the QB! So many high scoring passers in week 5 - it's a shame ESPN doesn't let us have a 2 QB league. Maybe then more than two teams would've broken 100 this week. Let's wade through the crap.
"Kevin" v. Tim
Once again, the two highest scoring teams in a given week ended up playing each other. Timing is everything. Tim wishes he had some.
Truth be told, Tim probably shouldn't have been at the point where Monday night mattered so much. After the 4 o'clock games ended, things were looking pretty grim. Sure, Dak (28 points) and Dez (11 points) had good a day. But Evan Engram (0 points) and Jay Ajayi (6 points) left much to be desired. All tolled - Tim needed 51 points to beat "Kevin" with just three players left to play. Fat chance, right? Oh wait, no, the Houston Texans are still ridiculous. DeAndre Hopkins (23 points) and Will Fuller (22 points) made the most of their wunderkind rookie QB (and a bunch of garbage time) and suddenly - Tim was just 5 points away from a tie; 6 points away from a win. 27, 4, 0, 28. Those numbers are, in order: How many dollars Tim paid for Latavius Murray, how many points Murray scored, he many dollars Tim would've had to pay for Jerrick McKinnon and how many points that jerk scored. Yup. Tim fell just one point short of beating the one team who scored more than him.
"Kevin", on the other hand, didn't wait until the last minute to put his points up. He started off on Thursday night with a big 13 point showing from Chris Hogan (whom he, rather ironically, obtained from Tim earlier in the season). Then AJ Green (28 points!) scored a 77 yard TD not ten minutes into his early game. (He'd finish the day with 189 total yards.) And, finally, Davante Adams (18 points) showed he was none the worse for wear from his concussion when he dropped two TDs on the Cowboys in the 4pm game. Thus answering the question, yes, you can win with just stud WR's and not really any remarkable RBs. (And also: yes, "Kevin" can win a game. At all.)
"Kevin" has posted two strong weeks in a row now and will look to keep it rolling against sitting duck Eric in week 6. Tim will also look to continue his high scoring ways against a (potentially) tougher opponent in (almost undefeated) Nick. Odds of either/both of those happening are slim.
Jared v. Eric
Our second highest scoring matchup was another close one, with Eric losing by just seven points. Unfortunately, thanks to injuries and bye weeks - there just weren't many points to be found - even on his bench. Oh, wait - there was DeShaun Watson (33 points) who broke 30 points for the second consecutive week! I mean, sure, Jameis Winston (18 points) also scored 30 points last week... and he was matched up against the hapless Pats secondary! Nah, who cares. Hindsight is always 20/20 in this league and this was the move that cost Eric the game. But I will give him a big up for picking up (Ty Montgomery replacement) Aaron Jones (20 points) - who left Jamaal Williams in the dust for the lead/backup RB role in Green Bay. And that Jacksonville Defense, brah! 27 points?! That brings them up to 83 points on the season and makes them the second highest scoring player on Eric's team... behind DeShaun Watson. (Couldn't resist.) I'm sure everyone who rejected a terrible trade offer from Eric this week that included DeShaun Watson feels sorta bad now anyway, right? Sorta.
Jared actually has a similar week as far as where his points came from. Waiver add QB Cam Newton (25 points) posted his second straight big score and the Baltimore D (16 points) did exactly what everyone thought they would against EJ Manuel. Jared also got 17 points from recently acquired WR Antonio Brown, but the guy who put him over the top was... Mike Wallace? Yup. That Mike Wallace. His 15 points were enough to get Jared over the top. (Which was a lucky turn, because RB Todd Gurley (3 points) shat the bed against a legit defense just like everyone named Tim said he would.)
Jared will take the win and run, though, as it puts him at 4-1 on the season and tied for first in the Athletic Supporters division. He'll most likely keep heading in the right direction against Jeremy in week 6. Eric, on the other hand, falls to 1-4 on the season - tying him for LAST place in the same division. He'll face his terrible record twin "Kevin" - so at least one of the two will end up being a little less terrible by this time next week.
Nick v. Matt
Okay, let's address the elephant in the room: Nick scored 96 and Matt scored 69. <snicker>
Now that we have that out of the way. Matt left 19 points on his bench from a Carolina player for the second week in a row. Last week it was Devin Funchess (11 points this week). This week - TE Ed Dickson racked up a just plain stupid 175 yards against a generally solid Detroit D. Matt could've used those points on his starting lineup - although it still wouldn't have gotten him to the win. So I guess it's a moot point. Other than Funchess, Matt's only other starting player to score double digit points was QB Aaron Rodgers with 19. But on the up side - it looks like his man-crush Jordy Nelson (8 points) might not be too seriously banged up, even though he sat out for most of the 4th quarter against the Cowboys on Sunday. Silver linings or something?
Nick was flirting with a 100+ point score before Stefon Diggs (0 points) failed to show up on Monday night. He got close thanks to the brilliant tactical move (ie: all of his other players were on bye weeks) of starting Carson Wentz (34 points!) and Torrey Smith (16 points) against the generally well regarded Arizona Defense. (Hey, even a blind squirrel finds a nut some days!) Another big day (177 yards) from TY Hilton also helped out, as did 15 points from free agent find RB/WR Duke Johnson. And, luckily for Nick, that's all the help he would need to down Matt and move to 4-1 on the season.
Nick will hope for a little more full team involvement in week 6 as he meets up with (allegedly) high scoring Tim, while Matt will hope to get an okay RB to fill in for LeSean McCoy's bye week if he wants to beat Andrew. Or win another game. Ever.
Andrew v. James
Hey, here's a shocker for you: James lost another one! Okay. Not so shocking. Not especially when you consider (marginal starter) Brandon Marshall put up just one point before leaving his game with a season ending ankle injury. Eli Manning (10 points) had to play the whole game but probably wishes he had a season ending ankle injury! (Which is really weird - because James' awesome draft app told us all we should draft Manning because he's really good...) Besides Eli the terrible, James had just two other players who (barely) put up double digits scores - WR DeSean Jackson (12 points) and TE Hunter Henry (10 points). There isn't much else to say here, I guess. About the best thing that James could do with his season at this point is trade for a couple decent keepers and give Drew Brees to a team that actually has a chance to contend. (Is that too harsh?)
Andrew got the win, but in doing do was faced with quite an inglorious ending to Odell Beckham's (18 points) four year tenure with his team as he ALSO suffered a season ending ankle injury against the Chargers. (Friendly reminder: OBJ is not eligible to be kept for next year's draft - that's why Andrew dropped him!) Andrew also got a huge week from Melvin Gordon (29 points) and he didn't get hurt (yet) - but it looks like Carlos Hyde (1 point) and Matt Breida (6 point) might be headed toward the dreaded "committee" approach, so they may not be able to be counted upon for consistent point production anymore. Will Andrew still have enough "depth" to keep up his winning ways going forward? I'd be kinda surprised... but stranger things have happened. (See what I did there?)
What would NOT be strange, actually, is expecting Andrew to beat Matt - even if he only starts 7 players in week 6. What WOULD be strange, on the other hand, is expecting James to get another win - even though he only has to play Dustin.
Earl v. Dustin
Which leads me directly to: another week, another loss for Dustin. And, once again, he would've lost even if his opponent had only started 2 RBs. Last week it was Bilal Powell and Todd Gurley. This week it was Leonard Fournette (35 points!) and Doug Martin (13 points).
On the up side for Dustin: WR Michael Crabtree (15 points) showed back up on the scoring sheet (even with EJ Manuel at QB) and WR Jarvis Landy (12 points) put up his first double digit score of the season. On the down side: everything else. Literally. I'm not even gonna waste time talking about it.
As for Earl, other than the two players already referenced... well, he didn't have much else going for him either. I mean, he did drop Philip Rivers (20 points) and Andy Dalton (17 points) to waivers and picked up Carson Palmer (13 points) for a starting QB instead. That's good, right? Okay. Not really. (But it was better than the 2 points Dustin got out of Big Ben!)
Earl had better hope that QB Derek Carr is able to come back from his broken back in time for his week 6 matchup against Bill if he wants to have any chance of maintaining this year's renaissance. Dustin, meanwhile, only has to play James - which means he'll probably only have to score like 60 points to win. Although that may not be as easy as it sounds if Julio Jones' hip keeps him on the bench this weekend. Good times.
Bill v. Jeremy
And that brings us to the bottom of the barrel, where we find (not surprisingly) Jeremy and... Bill?!! What the what?! Is this a misprint? I mean - Bill has scored 100+ points in every week of the season up until now! Are you legitimately telling me he could only manage 75 points in week 5?? Yes. Gloriously, yes.
For those curious how to best almost sabotage yourself, here's a brief primer:
Step 1) Don't start a full lineup.
No matter how awesome your team is, intentionally putting a zero on your score sheet is never a good idea, kids. Rob Gronkowski was a late scratch on Thursday night, but instead of trading or dropping some of his bench "assets" to pick up a replacement - Bill decided to just do without a TE. And even though Danny Amendola (12 points) saw an uptick in targets with Gronk out, the mighty TB12 saw a downtick in his production - throwing just one TD whilst also throwing an INT and fumbling once. Glorious.
Step 2) View your RB game as infallible.
Part of the reason why Bill probably felt good about taking a goose egg in the TE column is that he has the #1 and #4 RBs in the league. Unfortunately, since he's started playing legit defenses - Kareem Hunt (12 points) has kinda fallen back to earth a little bit. And, though many of us would give our left arm to have a RB who scores 14 points on an "off day", Ezekiel Elliott (14 points) has also looked relatively just "pretty good" in all but one of his games this season. (Karma?) Oh, and also - Bill started Ameer Abdullah (3 points) instead of Marshawn Lynch (11 points). Don't trust Ameer Abdullah. Ever. He'll let you down.
Step 3) Believe that your inconsistent WR corps is suddenly gonna become consistent.
Bill knew that his group of WRs would probably be an Achilles heel this season. I mean, waiting until the 4th round of the draft to take your first one is a bad place to start. Especially when you lose two of those shallow pool members (Allen Robinson and Cameron Meredith) before the first week is even over. But then sitting on seven startable RBs instead trading one or two of them for a decent WR (or two)? Well, it may not be a new strategy for Bill, but that doesn't make it a good one.
Step 4) Play someone other than Jeremy.
Fortunately for Bill - he did not do step 4!
Jeremy had actually showed signs of rising to the occasion during the early games, but in the end he fell flat (like usual). QB Russell Wilson (7 points) ended a two week streak of strong games with a stinker against an LA Rams team that had just allowed three passing TDs to a similar QB (Dak Prescott) the week before. RB Mike Gillislee (5 points) failed to find the endzone for a third consecutive week. (Which is a bad thing for a TD dependent RB, incase you didn't know.) And Sammy Watkins... wait... anyone seen Sammy Watkins? (Maybe he's hanging out with Dustin?) Well, Jared Goff didn't - that's for sure! Watkins was targeted just four times and didn't catch a single one of those balls - good for a big fat zero, which basically erased Bill's mistake of not starting a TE.
On the upside, Jeremy did had the Miami defense (23 points) - who were set to face Tennessee backup Matt Cassel in a surefire... just kidding, he didn't start them. He started the Tennessee D (12 points) who, although facing the dreadful Jay Cutler, had previously posted two straight weeks of negative point totals. Strong move. Had he made a different choice, Jeremy would've given Bill his first loss of the season. Sigh.
Looking forward to week 6 - hopefully both of these guys will make some better decisions. Well, hopefully Jeremy does at least. If he could beat Jared - that'd be pretty great. But I'd actually be totally okay if Bill wanted to not start a full lineup again and let Earl beat him. Not that I'm biased and want to see him fail. I'm an impartial commissioner, after all. <snicker>
Sports.
"Kevin" v. Tim
Once again, the two highest scoring teams in a given week ended up playing each other. Timing is everything. Tim wishes he had some.
Truth be told, Tim probably shouldn't have been at the point where Monday night mattered so much. After the 4 o'clock games ended, things were looking pretty grim. Sure, Dak (28 points) and Dez (11 points) had good a day. But Evan Engram (0 points) and Jay Ajayi (6 points) left much to be desired. All tolled - Tim needed 51 points to beat "Kevin" with just three players left to play. Fat chance, right? Oh wait, no, the Houston Texans are still ridiculous. DeAndre Hopkins (23 points) and Will Fuller (22 points) made the most of their wunderkind rookie QB (and a bunch of garbage time) and suddenly - Tim was just 5 points away from a tie; 6 points away from a win. 27, 4, 0, 28. Those numbers are, in order: How many dollars Tim paid for Latavius Murray, how many points Murray scored, he many dollars Tim would've had to pay for Jerrick McKinnon and how many points that jerk scored. Yup. Tim fell just one point short of beating the one team who scored more than him.
"Kevin", on the other hand, didn't wait until the last minute to put his points up. He started off on Thursday night with a big 13 point showing from Chris Hogan (whom he, rather ironically, obtained from Tim earlier in the season). Then AJ Green (28 points!) scored a 77 yard TD not ten minutes into his early game. (He'd finish the day with 189 total yards.) And, finally, Davante Adams (18 points) showed he was none the worse for wear from his concussion when he dropped two TDs on the Cowboys in the 4pm game. Thus answering the question, yes, you can win with just stud WR's and not really any remarkable RBs. (And also: yes, "Kevin" can win a game. At all.)
"Kevin" has posted two strong weeks in a row now and will look to keep it rolling against sitting duck Eric in week 6. Tim will also look to continue his high scoring ways against a (potentially) tougher opponent in (almost undefeated) Nick. Odds of either/both of those happening are slim.
Jared v. Eric
Our second highest scoring matchup was another close one, with Eric losing by just seven points. Unfortunately, thanks to injuries and bye weeks - there just weren't many points to be found - even on his bench. Oh, wait - there was DeShaun Watson (33 points) who broke 30 points for the second consecutive week! I mean, sure, Jameis Winston (18 points) also scored 30 points last week... and he was matched up against the hapless Pats secondary! Nah, who cares. Hindsight is always 20/20 in this league and this was the move that cost Eric the game. But I will give him a big up for picking up (Ty Montgomery replacement) Aaron Jones (20 points) - who left Jamaal Williams in the dust for the lead/backup RB role in Green Bay. And that Jacksonville Defense, brah! 27 points?! That brings them up to 83 points on the season and makes them the second highest scoring player on Eric's team... behind DeShaun Watson. (Couldn't resist.) I'm sure everyone who rejected a terrible trade offer from Eric this week that included DeShaun Watson feels sorta bad now anyway, right? Sorta.
Jared actually has a similar week as far as where his points came from. Waiver add QB Cam Newton (25 points) posted his second straight big score and the Baltimore D (16 points) did exactly what everyone thought they would against EJ Manuel. Jared also got 17 points from recently acquired WR Antonio Brown, but the guy who put him over the top was... Mike Wallace? Yup. That Mike Wallace. His 15 points were enough to get Jared over the top. (Which was a lucky turn, because RB Todd Gurley (3 points) shat the bed against a legit defense just like everyone named Tim said he would.)
Jared will take the win and run, though, as it puts him at 4-1 on the season and tied for first in the Athletic Supporters division. He'll most likely keep heading in the right direction against Jeremy in week 6. Eric, on the other hand, falls to 1-4 on the season - tying him for LAST place in the same division. He'll face his terrible record twin "Kevin" - so at least one of the two will end up being a little less terrible by this time next week.
Nick v. Matt
Okay, let's address the elephant in the room: Nick scored 96 and Matt scored 69. <snicker>
Now that we have that out of the way. Matt left 19 points on his bench from a Carolina player for the second week in a row. Last week it was Devin Funchess (11 points this week). This week - TE Ed Dickson racked up a just plain stupid 175 yards against a generally solid Detroit D. Matt could've used those points on his starting lineup - although it still wouldn't have gotten him to the win. So I guess it's a moot point. Other than Funchess, Matt's only other starting player to score double digit points was QB Aaron Rodgers with 19. But on the up side - it looks like his man-crush Jordy Nelson (8 points) might not be too seriously banged up, even though he sat out for most of the 4th quarter against the Cowboys on Sunday. Silver linings or something?
Nick was flirting with a 100+ point score before Stefon Diggs (0 points) failed to show up on Monday night. He got close thanks to the brilliant tactical move (ie: all of his other players were on bye weeks) of starting Carson Wentz (34 points!) and Torrey Smith (16 points) against the generally well regarded Arizona Defense. (Hey, even a blind squirrel finds a nut some days!) Another big day (177 yards) from TY Hilton also helped out, as did 15 points from free agent find RB/WR Duke Johnson. And, luckily for Nick, that's all the help he would need to down Matt and move to 4-1 on the season.
Nick will hope for a little more full team involvement in week 6 as he meets up with (allegedly) high scoring Tim, while Matt will hope to get an okay RB to fill in for LeSean McCoy's bye week if he wants to beat Andrew. Or win another game. Ever.
Andrew v. James
Hey, here's a shocker for you: James lost another one! Okay. Not so shocking. Not especially when you consider (marginal starter) Brandon Marshall put up just one point before leaving his game with a season ending ankle injury. Eli Manning (10 points) had to play the whole game but probably wishes he had a season ending ankle injury! (Which is really weird - because James' awesome draft app told us all we should draft Manning because he's really good...) Besides Eli the terrible, James had just two other players who (barely) put up double digits scores - WR DeSean Jackson (12 points) and TE Hunter Henry (10 points). There isn't much else to say here, I guess. About the best thing that James could do with his season at this point is trade for a couple decent keepers and give Drew Brees to a team that actually has a chance to contend. (Is that too harsh?)
Andrew got the win, but in doing do was faced with quite an inglorious ending to Odell Beckham's (18 points) four year tenure with his team as he ALSO suffered a season ending ankle injury against the Chargers. (Friendly reminder: OBJ is not eligible to be kept for next year's draft - that's why Andrew dropped him!) Andrew also got a huge week from Melvin Gordon (29 points) and he didn't get hurt (yet) - but it looks like Carlos Hyde (1 point) and Matt Breida (6 point) might be headed toward the dreaded "committee" approach, so they may not be able to be counted upon for consistent point production anymore. Will Andrew still have enough "depth" to keep up his winning ways going forward? I'd be kinda surprised... but stranger things have happened. (See what I did there?)
What would NOT be strange, actually, is expecting Andrew to beat Matt - even if he only starts 7 players in week 6. What WOULD be strange, on the other hand, is expecting James to get another win - even though he only has to play Dustin.
Earl v. Dustin
Which leads me directly to: another week, another loss for Dustin. And, once again, he would've lost even if his opponent had only started 2 RBs. Last week it was Bilal Powell and Todd Gurley. This week it was Leonard Fournette (35 points!) and Doug Martin (13 points).
On the up side for Dustin: WR Michael Crabtree (15 points) showed back up on the scoring sheet (even with EJ Manuel at QB) and WR Jarvis Landy (12 points) put up his first double digit score of the season. On the down side: everything else. Literally. I'm not even gonna waste time talking about it.
As for Earl, other than the two players already referenced... well, he didn't have much else going for him either. I mean, he did drop Philip Rivers (20 points) and Andy Dalton (17 points) to waivers and picked up Carson Palmer (13 points) for a starting QB instead. That's good, right? Okay. Not really. (But it was better than the 2 points Dustin got out of Big Ben!)
Earl had better hope that QB Derek Carr is able to come back from his broken back in time for his week 6 matchup against Bill if he wants to have any chance of maintaining this year's renaissance. Dustin, meanwhile, only has to play James - which means he'll probably only have to score like 60 points to win. Although that may not be as easy as it sounds if Julio Jones' hip keeps him on the bench this weekend. Good times.
Bill v. Jeremy
And that brings us to the bottom of the barrel, where we find (not surprisingly) Jeremy and... Bill?!! What the what?! Is this a misprint? I mean - Bill has scored 100+ points in every week of the season up until now! Are you legitimately telling me he could only manage 75 points in week 5?? Yes. Gloriously, yes.
For those curious how to best almost sabotage yourself, here's a brief primer:
Step 1) Don't start a full lineup.
No matter how awesome your team is, intentionally putting a zero on your score sheet is never a good idea, kids. Rob Gronkowski was a late scratch on Thursday night, but instead of trading or dropping some of his bench "assets" to pick up a replacement - Bill decided to just do without a TE. And even though Danny Amendola (12 points) saw an uptick in targets with Gronk out, the mighty TB12 saw a downtick in his production - throwing just one TD whilst also throwing an INT and fumbling once. Glorious.
Step 2) View your RB game as infallible.
Part of the reason why Bill probably felt good about taking a goose egg in the TE column is that he has the #1 and #4 RBs in the league. Unfortunately, since he's started playing legit defenses - Kareem Hunt (12 points) has kinda fallen back to earth a little bit. And, though many of us would give our left arm to have a RB who scores 14 points on an "off day", Ezekiel Elliott (14 points) has also looked relatively just "pretty good" in all but one of his games this season. (Karma?) Oh, and also - Bill started Ameer Abdullah (3 points) instead of Marshawn Lynch (11 points). Don't trust Ameer Abdullah. Ever. He'll let you down.
Step 3) Believe that your inconsistent WR corps is suddenly gonna become consistent.
Bill knew that his group of WRs would probably be an Achilles heel this season. I mean, waiting until the 4th round of the draft to take your first one is a bad place to start. Especially when you lose two of those shallow pool members (Allen Robinson and Cameron Meredith) before the first week is even over. But then sitting on seven startable RBs instead trading one or two of them for a decent WR (or two)? Well, it may not be a new strategy for Bill, but that doesn't make it a good one.
Step 4) Play someone other than Jeremy.
Fortunately for Bill - he did not do step 4!
Jeremy had actually showed signs of rising to the occasion during the early games, but in the end he fell flat (like usual). QB Russell Wilson (7 points) ended a two week streak of strong games with a stinker against an LA Rams team that had just allowed three passing TDs to a similar QB (Dak Prescott) the week before. RB Mike Gillislee (5 points) failed to find the endzone for a third consecutive week. (Which is a bad thing for a TD dependent RB, incase you didn't know.) And Sammy Watkins... wait... anyone seen Sammy Watkins? (Maybe he's hanging out with Dustin?) Well, Jared Goff didn't - that's for sure! Watkins was targeted just four times and didn't catch a single one of those balls - good for a big fat zero, which basically erased Bill's mistake of not starting a TE.
On the upside, Jeremy did had the Miami defense (23 points) - who were set to face Tennessee backup Matt Cassel in a surefire... just kidding, he didn't start them. He started the Tennessee D (12 points) who, although facing the dreadful Jay Cutler, had previously posted two straight weeks of negative point totals. Strong move. Had he made a different choice, Jeremy would've given Bill his first loss of the season. Sigh.
Looking forward to week 6 - hopefully both of these guys will make some better decisions. Well, hopefully Jeremy does at least. If he could beat Jared - that'd be pretty great. But I'd actually be totally okay if Bill wanted to not start a full lineup again and let Earl beat him. Not that I'm biased and want to see him fail. I'm an impartial commissioner, after all. <snicker>
Sports.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Week 4
Another week, another limited showing of 100+ point scores. Turns out the whole return yardage and other yardage bonuses thing didn't pump up our scores as much as I'd hoped. We might as well start talking about the whole PPR option for next season now! Okay, so I guess that would be a bit premature. This year is gonna be what it is - and that doesn't mean it'll be without some excitement, as we saw in this 4th week. Let's run it down:
Jared v. Dustin
I know, I know. From the outside - it looks like a pretty amazing week for Jared and a crappy week for Dustin. But consider this: Dustin was without week 2 stud WR Michael Crabtree - plus perennial points machine Julio Jones left his game prematurely with a hip injury. And Jared - well, he didn't even draft his own team! I mean that in itself is... uh... well, you know...
Yeah, you're right. I'm not buying it either. This was legitimately an amazing week for Jared... and a terrible week for Dustin. Just a couple weeks removed from a high scoring matchup where he (almost) kept pace with Billy - Dustin was virtually a non-starter in week 4. He only had two double digit scores on his entire roster, for crying out loud! If you added his bench points to his starting lineup's points - and then multiplied it by two - he STILL would've lost to Jared. That's just... sad.
And, yes, Jared did auto draft. (Again.) But that highway robbery of Nick for Todd Gurley was all him. (Well, okay, maybe I was the instigator of that one. Sorry Nick.) Gurley put up another 100+ yard day and recorded a whopping 32 points and Bilal Powell made the most of Matt Forte's absence with an idiotic 163 rushing yards and a TD for 29 points of his own! Those two guys beat Dustin - but Jared wasn't done yet. Jordy Nelson added 19 points to the pile, the Houston D feasted on the Tennessee Titans with 24 points and then Terrelle Pryor and Travis Kelce made it even worse on MNF with 14 and 19 points, respectively. By the time the dust settled, Jared had racked up 156 points all together. (That's 2nd highest point total in Sports history, for those keeping track at home. The only person to score higher was some guy called "Tim" who put up 159 points in December of 2013.) That means Jared takes home the Strong Like Abe award for most points this week, the Mark Henry Award for highest weekly total of the whole season, the Pitcher award for his 98 point win over Dustin AND the Boot award because that margin is (obviously) the biggest win of the whole season. That kind of accomplishment warrants a trophy of it's own - so I made one: The Ultimate Warrior. (Note: Dustin took home the Catcher and the mudhole, but did not have the most pathetic score in our league this week - so he avoided any more negative hardware.)
Looking ahead to week 5 - Jared draws another seemingly easy win versus Eric while Dustin will just hope to compete against Earl. Good luck with that one!
Bill v. Kevin
Our second highest scoring matchup was only one point shy of Jared & Dustin's total - but the teams involved carried a much more even share of the load.
Poor Kevin had his highest score of the season but, unfortunately, was up against one of the three teams that scored more than him. (Bill seems to be making a habit of dashing people's hopes like that.) Finally getting an RB1 worthy week out of Lamar Miller (24 points) certainly helped, as did continued solid play from WRs Chris Hogan and AJ Green (12 points each). But a premature end to QB Marcus Mariota's day (14 points) and another disappointing showing from WR Jamison Crowder (0 points) stalled Kevin's engine and made him fall short of getting his first win of the season.
And what more can we say about Bill that hasn't been said already? His 118 points in week four made him not only the last remaining undefeated team in the league but also the only team in the league to break the 100 points threshold in every week of this young 2017 season. Even though Kareem Hunt (14 points) was held out of the endzone on MNF (his lowest score of the season) and Gronk put up a relatively pedestrian (for him) 8 points, Bill was able to get a huge bump from the Seattle D (24 points) who scored 2 TDs against Indianapolis on SNF (Big up to Matt for dropping the defense he wasted a 9th round pick on!) and a much more Zeke-like 25 points from Ezekiel "Please Suspend Me" Elliott. The only silver lining for those of us who hope to maybe beat Bill at some point this season is that the first of his injury prone players, Jordan Matthews, is now out of the lineup indefinitely with a thumb injury/surgery. Otherwise Bill's first championship is looking more and more like an inevitability.
The road doesn't get any tougher for Bill in week 5 as he faces a suddenly sputtering Jeremy. Kevin also matches up with a very beatable opponent - as Tim has yet to win a game on odd numbered weeks.
Earl v. Eric
Our third matchup was a showdown between a couple of teams that started off strong in week one before hitting the skids with consecutive losses in weeks two and three. Earl righted the ship while Eric... didn't.
To be fair - Eric just can't win in the injury department. After losing WR Julian Edelman before the season even started, Eric lost another decent WR (Kevin White) in week one. He made a shrewd pickup in RB Chris Carson a short time later, and it looked like he may have righted the ship... until Sunday night when Carson got a high ankle sprain and broke his leg on the same play. (He's done for at least the next eight weeks.) Add to that list RB Ty Montgomery, who fractured several ribs early on in Thursday night's game against the Bears, and there's definitely a theme forming. (I won't even mention Jordan Reed - because OF COURSE he's hurt.) I guess it also doesn't help to have second round WR Amari Cooper put up a big fat goose egg. All of this makes getting 30 points from QB1 Jameis Winston and 32 points from bench QB DeShaun Watson seem trivial at this point, to tell you the truth.
Earl actually experienced a small taste of the Eric treatment himself as he got a strong 24 points out of Philip Rivers but also lost Derek Carr for several weeks with a fractured vertebrae. (Ouch.) Luckily for Earl, though, LeVeon Bell is back in the building! Bell put up a very LeVeon-ly 32 points to compliment yet another impressive (19 point) showing from rookie RB Leonard Fournette, propelling The Upper Deckers on to the victory. (Not mentioning any other names here because there literally weren't any other high points on Earl's roster.)
In the end, Earl breaks even on the season @ 2-2 and starts what now amounts to an eight game push to stay in the win column, if he wants to make the playoffs. He'll start that push with a pretty soft matchup against Dustin in week 5 while Eric takes his losing record into what is shaping up to be another tough test against Jared. At this point, Eric's just hoping to not lose any more players... and maybe that Jared's boy Todd Gurley is exposed as a fraud when he has to play against an actual NFL quality defense? Time will tell.
Tim v. Jeremy
As we hit the bottom half of the order, we (not surprisingly) find Tim and Jeremy - the second and third lowest scoring teams in the league, respectively. Going into week four - Tim had pretty much admitted defeat before the first game had even started (he did get the Butthurt Monday for a reason in a week 3, you know.) But thanks to actual solid play from some of his speculative adds, he managed to steal a win against Jeremy - who looked much more like himself than he did in his week 3 victory over Earl.
Jeremy's season has sort of mirrored that of keeper Tyreek Hill. For every 24 point outing (week 1), there's a 5 point outing (week 2). For every 15 point outing (week 3), there's a 3 point outing (this week.) On the hopeful front - QB Russell Wilson (22 points) had a second consecutive strong fantasy outing, despite his continued lack of pass protection. And TE Charles Clay (13 points) looks like he might finally be hitting his stride as the kind of player people have said he "should be" for the past few years. Unfortunately, it looks like the same can also be said of his former Buffalo teammate Sammy Watkins - though not in a positive way - as he followed up a "break out" 24 points in week 3 with a 1 point stinker in week 4. Jeremy has a lot of potential, but it just wasn't firing consistently in week 4 and Tim took advantage of it.
Not to say that Tim is a picture of consistency by any means, of course. He just had a couple of extra cylinders firing. One misfire was that Tim cut ties with disappointing QB Cam Newton - who then proceeded to score more than his first three weeks combined against the formerly vaunted New England D. But at least Tim got a respectable 20 points out of new de facto starting QB Dak Prescott? WR DeAndre Hopkins (18 points) also didn't disappoint, for a change, thanks to strong play from the previously mentioned DeShaun Watson along and possibly a few more open looks thanks to the return of Houston teammate Will Fuller - who put up 14 points of his own on the CTP bench. Tim's only other double digit score from a starter was the thus far underwhelming RB Christian McCaffrey - who only put up his second straight double digit score thanks to punt return yardage. But, hey, it was good enough to lift him over Jeremy and even both teams out with 2-2 records.
Looking forward to week 5, I want to say that Tim should be able to beat Kevin... but I'm not gonna say it. And Jeremy - I don't want to say he could potentially beat Bill... because I'm almost positive that's just not true. But we can all hope - right?
Andrew v. Nick
Ahh. Remember the good old days? You know, back in week one when Andrew only scored 42 points and Nick had 3 decent running backs? Sadly, times change.
Nick was probably already kicking himself for trading away Todd Gurley... even before he lost rookie sensation Dalvin Cook to a torn ACL in week 4. Now? He definitely is. At least he was able to secure Duke Johnson as a free agent this morning, even if he isn't exactly ideal for a non-PPR league. Still, Johnson had a double digit score (11 points) on the waiver wire in week 4, and that's more than anyone not named Devonta Freeman (13 points), Dalvin Cook (11 points) or Denver D/ST (11 points) on Nick's roster could say. Pretty much everyone else on the Pig Skins was a complete miss and, after going 3-0 to start the season, now Nick's season looks in danger of fizzling.
Speaking of danger, Andrew also likes to live... dangerously. (That was an Austin Powers reference, for those of you who are too young to recognize it... or have good taste in movies.) After his miserable week one, Andrew had actually won two straight coming into this matchup with Nick. He started week four off with a decent 10 point score from Randall Cobb but then spent his day on Sunday getting sub-par single digit totals from everyone except the Cincinnati defense (whom he spent 11 dollars on). It all came down to Monday night football. Would Kirk Cousins be the single digit wonder of his first two weeks, or would he be the thirty point beast we saw in week three? Luckily for Andrew - it was closer to the latter as Cousins posted 20 points and Andrew handed Nick his first (but probably not last) loss of the season.
Moving forward, Andrew will look to extend his winning streak to four with a bye week... I mean matchup against James in week 5 while Nick will hope to stop the bleeding with a similarly "challenging" matchup against Matt.
James v. Matt
"I'm glad to be here with you, Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things." That's right, my nerds. Mordor has nothing on week 4 of Sports league: James actually won a game! (Albeit with just 68 points to his name - a pathetic winning score the likes of which hasn't been surpassed since... week two when Jeremy beat James with a score of 63.) But a win is a win! Let's look at the two or three highlights!
Matt has Aaron Rodgers (21 points.) Other than that, LeSean McCoy and Jacquizz Rodgers barely had double digit scores @ 10 points a piece. And that's about it. Well, I mean, he did trade for Devin Funchess (19 points) earlier in the week - but opted to go with Robert Woods (1 point) as his 3rd WR instead. Good move. On the bright side, at least he had TWO defenses on his roster that each recorded a negative score! Gross.
On James' side: Drew Brees (17 points) continued to be (sort of) Drew Brees-ish, despite his advancing years. Jordan Howard (12 points) looked none the worse for wear from his recent shoulder injury. And, oh yeah, Tyrell Williams (22 points) put up his first double digit score of the year with 115 yards and a TD against the Eagles. Can he keep it up? Not sure, but he does play for an NFL team at least! (Jonathan Williams put up another zero from his living room couch.) I don't know if we can really say this win will turn things around for James - but every revolution has to start somewhere. And Stranger Things Have Happened, right? (Like Andrew winning a championship... even though he sucks. Get it?)
Seems like the best way to continue the revolution for James is taking out Andrew in week 5. (Yup. Hold your breath for that one.) But Matt could find easier sledding against Nick and his suddenly flaccid pig skin... or not.
Whew. Sports.
Jared v. Dustin
I know, I know. From the outside - it looks like a pretty amazing week for Jared and a crappy week for Dustin. But consider this: Dustin was without week 2 stud WR Michael Crabtree - plus perennial points machine Julio Jones left his game prematurely with a hip injury. And Jared - well, he didn't even draft his own team! I mean that in itself is... uh... well, you know...
Yeah, you're right. I'm not buying it either. This was legitimately an amazing week for Jared... and a terrible week for Dustin. Just a couple weeks removed from a high scoring matchup where he (almost) kept pace with Billy - Dustin was virtually a non-starter in week 4. He only had two double digit scores on his entire roster, for crying out loud! If you added his bench points to his starting lineup's points - and then multiplied it by two - he STILL would've lost to Jared. That's just... sad.
And, yes, Jared did auto draft. (Again.) But that highway robbery of Nick for Todd Gurley was all him. (Well, okay, maybe I was the instigator of that one. Sorry Nick.) Gurley put up another 100+ yard day and recorded a whopping 32 points and Bilal Powell made the most of Matt Forte's absence with an idiotic 163 rushing yards and a TD for 29 points of his own! Those two guys beat Dustin - but Jared wasn't done yet. Jordy Nelson added 19 points to the pile, the Houston D feasted on the Tennessee Titans with 24 points and then Terrelle Pryor and Travis Kelce made it even worse on MNF with 14 and 19 points, respectively. By the time the dust settled, Jared had racked up 156 points all together. (That's 2nd highest point total in Sports history, for those keeping track at home. The only person to score higher was some guy called "Tim" who put up 159 points in December of 2013.) That means Jared takes home the Strong Like Abe award for most points this week, the Mark Henry Award for highest weekly total of the whole season, the Pitcher award for his 98 point win over Dustin AND the Boot award because that margin is (obviously) the biggest win of the whole season. That kind of accomplishment warrants a trophy of it's own - so I made one: The Ultimate Warrior. (Note: Dustin took home the Catcher and the mudhole, but did not have the most pathetic score in our league this week - so he avoided any more negative hardware.)
Looking ahead to week 5 - Jared draws another seemingly easy win versus Eric while Dustin will just hope to compete against Earl. Good luck with that one!
Bill v. Kevin
Our second highest scoring matchup was only one point shy of Jared & Dustin's total - but the teams involved carried a much more even share of the load.
Poor Kevin had his highest score of the season but, unfortunately, was up against one of the three teams that scored more than him. (Bill seems to be making a habit of dashing people's hopes like that.) Finally getting an RB1 worthy week out of Lamar Miller (24 points) certainly helped, as did continued solid play from WRs Chris Hogan and AJ Green (12 points each). But a premature end to QB Marcus Mariota's day (14 points) and another disappointing showing from WR Jamison Crowder (0 points) stalled Kevin's engine and made him fall short of getting his first win of the season.
And what more can we say about Bill that hasn't been said already? His 118 points in week four made him not only the last remaining undefeated team in the league but also the only team in the league to break the 100 points threshold in every week of this young 2017 season. Even though Kareem Hunt (14 points) was held out of the endzone on MNF (his lowest score of the season) and Gronk put up a relatively pedestrian (for him) 8 points, Bill was able to get a huge bump from the Seattle D (24 points) who scored 2 TDs against Indianapolis on SNF (Big up to Matt for dropping the defense he wasted a 9th round pick on!) and a much more Zeke-like 25 points from Ezekiel "Please Suspend Me" Elliott. The only silver lining for those of us who hope to maybe beat Bill at some point this season is that the first of his injury prone players, Jordan Matthews, is now out of the lineup indefinitely with a thumb injury/surgery. Otherwise Bill's first championship is looking more and more like an inevitability.
The road doesn't get any tougher for Bill in week 5 as he faces a suddenly sputtering Jeremy. Kevin also matches up with a very beatable opponent - as Tim has yet to win a game on odd numbered weeks.
Earl v. Eric
Our third matchup was a showdown between a couple of teams that started off strong in week one before hitting the skids with consecutive losses in weeks two and three. Earl righted the ship while Eric... didn't.
To be fair - Eric just can't win in the injury department. After losing WR Julian Edelman before the season even started, Eric lost another decent WR (Kevin White) in week one. He made a shrewd pickup in RB Chris Carson a short time later, and it looked like he may have righted the ship... until Sunday night when Carson got a high ankle sprain and broke his leg on the same play. (He's done for at least the next eight weeks.) Add to that list RB Ty Montgomery, who fractured several ribs early on in Thursday night's game against the Bears, and there's definitely a theme forming. (I won't even mention Jordan Reed - because OF COURSE he's hurt.) I guess it also doesn't help to have second round WR Amari Cooper put up a big fat goose egg. All of this makes getting 30 points from QB1 Jameis Winston and 32 points from bench QB DeShaun Watson seem trivial at this point, to tell you the truth.
Earl actually experienced a small taste of the Eric treatment himself as he got a strong 24 points out of Philip Rivers but also lost Derek Carr for several weeks with a fractured vertebrae. (Ouch.) Luckily for Earl, though, LeVeon Bell is back in the building! Bell put up a very LeVeon-ly 32 points to compliment yet another impressive (19 point) showing from rookie RB Leonard Fournette, propelling The Upper Deckers on to the victory. (Not mentioning any other names here because there literally weren't any other high points on Earl's roster.)
In the end, Earl breaks even on the season @ 2-2 and starts what now amounts to an eight game push to stay in the win column, if he wants to make the playoffs. He'll start that push with a pretty soft matchup against Dustin in week 5 while Eric takes his losing record into what is shaping up to be another tough test against Jared. At this point, Eric's just hoping to not lose any more players... and maybe that Jared's boy Todd Gurley is exposed as a fraud when he has to play against an actual NFL quality defense? Time will tell.
Tim v. Jeremy
As we hit the bottom half of the order, we (not surprisingly) find Tim and Jeremy - the second and third lowest scoring teams in the league, respectively. Going into week four - Tim had pretty much admitted defeat before the first game had even started (he did get the Butthurt Monday for a reason in a week 3, you know.) But thanks to actual solid play from some of his speculative adds, he managed to steal a win against Jeremy - who looked much more like himself than he did in his week 3 victory over Earl.
Jeremy's season has sort of mirrored that of keeper Tyreek Hill. For every 24 point outing (week 1), there's a 5 point outing (week 2). For every 15 point outing (week 3), there's a 3 point outing (this week.) On the hopeful front - QB Russell Wilson (22 points) had a second consecutive strong fantasy outing, despite his continued lack of pass protection. And TE Charles Clay (13 points) looks like he might finally be hitting his stride as the kind of player people have said he "should be" for the past few years. Unfortunately, it looks like the same can also be said of his former Buffalo teammate Sammy Watkins - though not in a positive way - as he followed up a "break out" 24 points in week 3 with a 1 point stinker in week 4. Jeremy has a lot of potential, but it just wasn't firing consistently in week 4 and Tim took advantage of it.
Not to say that Tim is a picture of consistency by any means, of course. He just had a couple of extra cylinders firing. One misfire was that Tim cut ties with disappointing QB Cam Newton - who then proceeded to score more than his first three weeks combined against the formerly vaunted New England D. But at least Tim got a respectable 20 points out of new de facto starting QB Dak Prescott? WR DeAndre Hopkins (18 points) also didn't disappoint, for a change, thanks to strong play from the previously mentioned DeShaun Watson along and possibly a few more open looks thanks to the return of Houston teammate Will Fuller - who put up 14 points of his own on the CTP bench. Tim's only other double digit score from a starter was the thus far underwhelming RB Christian McCaffrey - who only put up his second straight double digit score thanks to punt return yardage. But, hey, it was good enough to lift him over Jeremy and even both teams out with 2-2 records.
Looking forward to week 5, I want to say that Tim should be able to beat Kevin... but I'm not gonna say it. And Jeremy - I don't want to say he could potentially beat Bill... because I'm almost positive that's just not true. But we can all hope - right?
Andrew v. Nick
Ahh. Remember the good old days? You know, back in week one when Andrew only scored 42 points and Nick had 3 decent running backs? Sadly, times change.
Nick was probably already kicking himself for trading away Todd Gurley... even before he lost rookie sensation Dalvin Cook to a torn ACL in week 4. Now? He definitely is. At least he was able to secure Duke Johnson as a free agent this morning, even if he isn't exactly ideal for a non-PPR league. Still, Johnson had a double digit score (11 points) on the waiver wire in week 4, and that's more than anyone not named Devonta Freeman (13 points), Dalvin Cook (11 points) or Denver D/ST (11 points) on Nick's roster could say. Pretty much everyone else on the Pig Skins was a complete miss and, after going 3-0 to start the season, now Nick's season looks in danger of fizzling.
Speaking of danger, Andrew also likes to live... dangerously. (That was an Austin Powers reference, for those of you who are too young to recognize it... or have good taste in movies.) After his miserable week one, Andrew had actually won two straight coming into this matchup with Nick. He started week four off with a decent 10 point score from Randall Cobb but then spent his day on Sunday getting sub-par single digit totals from everyone except the Cincinnati defense (whom he spent 11 dollars on). It all came down to Monday night football. Would Kirk Cousins be the single digit wonder of his first two weeks, or would he be the thirty point beast we saw in week three? Luckily for Andrew - it was closer to the latter as Cousins posted 20 points and Andrew handed Nick his first (but probably not last) loss of the season.
Moving forward, Andrew will look to extend his winning streak to four with a bye week... I mean matchup against James in week 5 while Nick will hope to stop the bleeding with a similarly "challenging" matchup against Matt.
James v. Matt
"I'm glad to be here with you, Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things." That's right, my nerds. Mordor has nothing on week 4 of Sports league: James actually won a game! (Albeit with just 68 points to his name - a pathetic winning score the likes of which hasn't been surpassed since... week two when Jeremy beat James with a score of 63.) But a win is a win! Let's look at the two or three highlights!
Matt has Aaron Rodgers (21 points.) Other than that, LeSean McCoy and Jacquizz Rodgers barely had double digit scores @ 10 points a piece. And that's about it. Well, I mean, he did trade for Devin Funchess (19 points) earlier in the week - but opted to go with Robert Woods (1 point) as his 3rd WR instead. Good move. On the bright side, at least he had TWO defenses on his roster that each recorded a negative score! Gross.
On James' side: Drew Brees (17 points) continued to be (sort of) Drew Brees-ish, despite his advancing years. Jordan Howard (12 points) looked none the worse for wear from his recent shoulder injury. And, oh yeah, Tyrell Williams (22 points) put up his first double digit score of the year with 115 yards and a TD against the Eagles. Can he keep it up? Not sure, but he does play for an NFL team at least! (Jonathan Williams put up another zero from his living room couch.) I don't know if we can really say this win will turn things around for James - but every revolution has to start somewhere. And Stranger Things Have Happened, right? (Like Andrew winning a championship... even though he sucks. Get it?)
Seems like the best way to continue the revolution for James is taking out Andrew in week 5. (Yup. Hold your breath for that one.) But Matt could find easier sledding against Nick and his suddenly flaccid pig skin... or not.
Whew. Sports.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Week 3
A whopping THREE teams broke the 100 point ceiling this third week of the season. I guess that should mean it was a good week? Well - unless your name is Tim, Dustin or Eric anyway. Let's see the highlights... and lowlights.
Bill v. James
Sadly, it looks like we might have to get used to seeing Bill in the top scoring matchup each week. Even when sporting a negative score from Seattle's D (-5) and a big fat goose egg from Week 2 hero JJ Nelson - Bill still put up the highest score in the league this week. The usual suspects (TB12 with 34 points and K.Hunt with 29 points) were at it again, but Bill's use of voodoo magic was evident when Sterling Shepherd (whom Bill could not sub out of his lineup because he's a cheater and is carrying 7 healthy bench players) somehow broke off 133 yards and a TD on 7 catches (24 points) in a game where OBJ and Brandon Marshall both played. Ugh. Do you all realize how miserable our lives are going to be this offseason if we allow Bill to win a championship? Anyway. For his part, James actually did have a respectable week with 86 points. (I mean, it's almost better than his first two weeks combined!) Shout out to Drew Brees (20 points) and also Jordan Howard (28 points) - who scored exactly 28 points more points than he did in week 2. Also a shout out to Eli Manning, who scored 27 points on James' bench and pretty much proved that his drafting app is really smart. (Disregard the fact that James has the lowest scoring team in the entire league through three weeks.)
Bill will DEFINITELY get his fourth win of the season against Kevin this week (jinx.... please, jinx...) while James will hope to maybe win a game... and/or put Corey Coleman on the IR and/or realize that Jonathan Williams still isn't playing in the NFL.
Nick v. Kevin
Our second highest scoring matchup of the week was also an undefeated team against an alldefeated team - and ended up with the same results. Nick put up an impressive 112 points - despite the fact that QB Matt Ryan could only manage 12 points. (And despite the fact that he traded Todd Gurley to Jared.) Luckily, he's still doing okay in the RB department with Dalvin Cook (22 points) and Devonte Freeman (21 points), not to mention the WR department with Doug Baldwin (18 points) and TY Hilton (26 points). Fun fact: Nick would've walked away from with $5 in his pocket this week if he'd started Stefon Diggs (34 points) instead of Torrey Smith (2 points). But he didn't. Oh well. It could be worse - he could be Kevin. Much like James, Kevin had his best week of the season in week three. It just wasn't quite good enough. Still, 22 points from Marcus Mariota and a pair of matching 19 point scores from WR Chris Hogan and AJ Green give some hope that Kevin might win a game some time this year. (You know, if he can maybe wish two actual running backs into existence on his bench.)
Nick will try to stay undefeated in week 4 against slightly stiffer competition in the form of last year's luckiest player (Andrew). Kevin, on the other hand, will likely stay winless whether he tries to or not as he meets this year's obviously luckiest player (Bill).
Jeremy v. Earl
Okay, I don't want to alarm anyone here - but Jeremy is only one game back from first place. (I know, I know. It's only week 3 - but still.) HE'S GOT A WINNING RECORD! Can he count on getting 33 points from Russell Wilson every week? Probably not. Can he count on getting 24 points from Sammy Watkins every week? Doubtful. Can he count on getting 2 points from Nelson Agholor every week? Probably. Can he count on benching his best TE every week? Definitely! I kid, I kid. It was a good week from Jeremy to fend off Earl - who had a decent week going with Le'Veon Bell (15 points) actually show up along with decent 13 point weeks from both Davante Parker and Leonard Fournette. But a pair of big ole' zeroes from TE Kyle Rudolph and (shockingly) QB Derek Carr were just too much to overcome - even with Larry Fitz pouring on 22 points on Monday night. A few more disappointing outcomes like this and Earl will go from Upper Decker to down the drain in short order.
Jeremy has decent odds of continuing his winning ways in week 4, since he only has to play Tim. Earl probably isn't far behind as he matches up with Eric - who's looked more like a pretender than a contender since his big week one showing.
Tim v. Jared
Jared, like several other owners in week 3, started things off with a bang on Thursday night as Todd Gurley (34 points?!) once again looked like the biggest trade steal our league has ever seen. He kept up the magic on Sunday afternoon with Brandin Cooks (30 points) finally living up to the hype and posting a 131 yard, 2 TD gem against the usually decent Houston Defense. But past that, a couple of 17 point outings from QB Carson Palmer and WR Jordy Nelson were the only other high points on Jared's roster. (Week 2 hero Travis Kelce recorded one catch for one yard!) Seeing as how he only needed Cooks and Gurley to beat Tim's pitiful scored, though, we won't fault him on it... not this time, anyway. But how shall we fault Tim? Let me count the ways. QB Cam Newton was projected at 17 points but only managed 3, thanks to four interceptions against arguably the worst defense in the league. RB Jay Ajayi was also projected at 17 points against the pitiful NY Jets but managed only 16 yards on his eleven carries, good for just one point. That'll definitely put you behind the eight ball - but then again, so will getting just 7 points a piece from all three of your "good" WRs. (I'm looking at you Dez Bryant, DeAndre Hopkins and Emmanuel Sanders!) Through three weeks, Tim has only scored 184 points - which puts him ahead of only James the weak. Yikes.
Looking ahead to week 4, Jared faces off against Dustin and is either a favorite or an underdog - depending on which Dustin shows up. Tim matches up with Jeremy and will almost certainly wind up on suicide watch if he loses.
Eric v. Matt
Some days even a blind squirrel finds a nut... especially when that blind squirrel has Aaron Rodgers (20 points) and Antonio Brown (19 points) on his roster! Yes, Matt is somehow the fourth highest scoring team in the league despite the fact that he couldn't even be bothered to show up for the draft. The good news - Rodgers and Brown looked like Rodgers and Brown. Plus, Golden Tate (12 points) and Robert Woods (12 points) looked like serviceable team members. The bad news? LeSean McCoy (6 points) got outscored by Frank Gore (11 points). So it's kind of a crap shoot which way Matt's team will go. But for the time being - he's in second place in his division! Eric on the other hand is pretty clearly trending southerly. After scoring 114 points in week one, he's not managed to total half of that in either of the subsequent two weeks. Ouch. Although it's not exactly a shocking turn of events when you have three (3) zeroes in your starting lineup (Jeremy Maclin, Amari Cooper, Jack Doyle) and also bench a guy who scores 22 points (Demarco Murray). Still, the fact that keeper Michael Thomas finally found the end zone in week three is a hopeful sign. I mean, right? Right?! RIGHT?!?! Yeah, I don't buy it either. But only time will tell.
Matt draws a bye week in week four as he matches up with James while Eric will face fellow underachiever Earl in a battle to see if either of them is still even close to relevant in this league.
Andrew v. Dustin
And that brings us to the bottom of the barrel where we find Andrew and Dustin. Well, not so much Andrew this week. He was actually pretty decent thanks to Kirk Cousins (30 points!) finally showing up, Melvin Gordon scoring 13 points for the third week in a row, Carlos Hyde continuing to break out (until he gets hurt - which he will) with 21 points and Odell Beckham jack-assing to way to 19 points. Not to say that Andrew shouldn't be a little worried about that zero put up by Kelvin Benjamin (who might be hurt again) and the fact that his bench looks like a hospital ward with one player on IR, two more who didn't play this week due to injury and Darren McFadden who's been a healthy scratch for two weeks in a row now. (Maybe he was just visiting the other guys?) But, truth be told, Andrew didn't have to try very hard this week to beat Dustin. Just one week removed from a breakout 106 point score - Dustin couldn't even manage half of that with 48 total points. You know who scored more points than that this week? Everyone. Including Dustin's bench (69 points.) Highlighted by Chris Thompson (26 points) there was definitely lots of... uh... help available for Dustin, had he made some better choices. In fact - an "optimized" roster for him could've scored as many as 102 points! But Dustin was in "Mexico" so his roster wasn't "optimized" and he "lost again".
Andrew will need some magic if he wants to continue his winning ways against undefeated Nick in week 4 while Dustin will need his WR1 and WR2 not to be injured if he hopes to even up his record at 2-2 against Jared.
1-888-F-SPORTS.
Bill v. James
Sadly, it looks like we might have to get used to seeing Bill in the top scoring matchup each week. Even when sporting a negative score from Seattle's D (-5) and a big fat goose egg from Week 2 hero JJ Nelson - Bill still put up the highest score in the league this week. The usual suspects (TB12 with 34 points and K.Hunt with 29 points) were at it again, but Bill's use of voodoo magic was evident when Sterling Shepherd (whom Bill could not sub out of his lineup because he's a cheater and is carrying 7 healthy bench players) somehow broke off 133 yards and a TD on 7 catches (24 points) in a game where OBJ and Brandon Marshall both played. Ugh. Do you all realize how miserable our lives are going to be this offseason if we allow Bill to win a championship? Anyway. For his part, James actually did have a respectable week with 86 points. (I mean, it's almost better than his first two weeks combined!) Shout out to Drew Brees (20 points) and also Jordan Howard (28 points) - who scored exactly 28 points more points than he did in week 2. Also a shout out to Eli Manning, who scored 27 points on James' bench and pretty much proved that his drafting app is really smart. (Disregard the fact that James has the lowest scoring team in the entire league through three weeks.)
Bill will DEFINITELY get his fourth win of the season against Kevin this week (jinx.... please, jinx...) while James will hope to maybe win a game... and/or put Corey Coleman on the IR and/or realize that Jonathan Williams still isn't playing in the NFL.
Nick v. Kevin
Our second highest scoring matchup of the week was also an undefeated team against an alldefeated team - and ended up with the same results. Nick put up an impressive 112 points - despite the fact that QB Matt Ryan could only manage 12 points. (And despite the fact that he traded Todd Gurley to Jared.) Luckily, he's still doing okay in the RB department with Dalvin Cook (22 points) and Devonte Freeman (21 points), not to mention the WR department with Doug Baldwin (18 points) and TY Hilton (26 points). Fun fact: Nick would've walked away from with $5 in his pocket this week if he'd started Stefon Diggs (34 points) instead of Torrey Smith (2 points). But he didn't. Oh well. It could be worse - he could be Kevin. Much like James, Kevin had his best week of the season in week three. It just wasn't quite good enough. Still, 22 points from Marcus Mariota and a pair of matching 19 point scores from WR Chris Hogan and AJ Green give some hope that Kevin might win a game some time this year. (You know, if he can maybe wish two actual running backs into existence on his bench.)
Nick will try to stay undefeated in week 4 against slightly stiffer competition in the form of last year's luckiest player (Andrew). Kevin, on the other hand, will likely stay winless whether he tries to or not as he meets this year's obviously luckiest player (Bill).
Jeremy v. Earl
Okay, I don't want to alarm anyone here - but Jeremy is only one game back from first place. (I know, I know. It's only week 3 - but still.) HE'S GOT A WINNING RECORD! Can he count on getting 33 points from Russell Wilson every week? Probably not. Can he count on getting 24 points from Sammy Watkins every week? Doubtful. Can he count on getting 2 points from Nelson Agholor every week? Probably. Can he count on benching his best TE every week? Definitely! I kid, I kid. It was a good week from Jeremy to fend off Earl - who had a decent week going with Le'Veon Bell (15 points) actually show up along with decent 13 point weeks from both Davante Parker and Leonard Fournette. But a pair of big ole' zeroes from TE Kyle Rudolph and (shockingly) QB Derek Carr were just too much to overcome - even with Larry Fitz pouring on 22 points on Monday night. A few more disappointing outcomes like this and Earl will go from Upper Decker to down the drain in short order.
Jeremy has decent odds of continuing his winning ways in week 4, since he only has to play Tim. Earl probably isn't far behind as he matches up with Eric - who's looked more like a pretender than a contender since his big week one showing.
Tim v. Jared
Jared, like several other owners in week 3, started things off with a bang on Thursday night as Todd Gurley (34 points?!) once again looked like the biggest trade steal our league has ever seen. He kept up the magic on Sunday afternoon with Brandin Cooks (30 points) finally living up to the hype and posting a 131 yard, 2 TD gem against the usually decent Houston Defense. But past that, a couple of 17 point outings from QB Carson Palmer and WR Jordy Nelson were the only other high points on Jared's roster. (Week 2 hero Travis Kelce recorded one catch for one yard!) Seeing as how he only needed Cooks and Gurley to beat Tim's pitiful scored, though, we won't fault him on it... not this time, anyway. But how shall we fault Tim? Let me count the ways. QB Cam Newton was projected at 17 points but only managed 3, thanks to four interceptions against arguably the worst defense in the league. RB Jay Ajayi was also projected at 17 points against the pitiful NY Jets but managed only 16 yards on his eleven carries, good for just one point. That'll definitely put you behind the eight ball - but then again, so will getting just 7 points a piece from all three of your "good" WRs. (I'm looking at you Dez Bryant, DeAndre Hopkins and Emmanuel Sanders!) Through three weeks, Tim has only scored 184 points - which puts him ahead of only James the weak. Yikes.
Looking ahead to week 4, Jared faces off against Dustin and is either a favorite or an underdog - depending on which Dustin shows up. Tim matches up with Jeremy and will almost certainly wind up on suicide watch if he loses.
Eric v. Matt
Some days even a blind squirrel finds a nut... especially when that blind squirrel has Aaron Rodgers (20 points) and Antonio Brown (19 points) on his roster! Yes, Matt is somehow the fourth highest scoring team in the league despite the fact that he couldn't even be bothered to show up for the draft. The good news - Rodgers and Brown looked like Rodgers and Brown. Plus, Golden Tate (12 points) and Robert Woods (12 points) looked like serviceable team members. The bad news? LeSean McCoy (6 points) got outscored by Frank Gore (11 points). So it's kind of a crap shoot which way Matt's team will go. But for the time being - he's in second place in his division! Eric on the other hand is pretty clearly trending southerly. After scoring 114 points in week one, he's not managed to total half of that in either of the subsequent two weeks. Ouch. Although it's not exactly a shocking turn of events when you have three (3) zeroes in your starting lineup (Jeremy Maclin, Amari Cooper, Jack Doyle) and also bench a guy who scores 22 points (Demarco Murray). Still, the fact that keeper Michael Thomas finally found the end zone in week three is a hopeful sign. I mean, right? Right?! RIGHT?!?! Yeah, I don't buy it either. But only time will tell.
Matt draws a bye week in week four as he matches up with James while Eric will face fellow underachiever Earl in a battle to see if either of them is still even close to relevant in this league.
Andrew v. Dustin
And that brings us to the bottom of the barrel where we find Andrew and Dustin. Well, not so much Andrew this week. He was actually pretty decent thanks to Kirk Cousins (30 points!) finally showing up, Melvin Gordon scoring 13 points for the third week in a row, Carlos Hyde continuing to break out (until he gets hurt - which he will) with 21 points and Odell Beckham jack-assing to way to 19 points. Not to say that Andrew shouldn't be a little worried about that zero put up by Kelvin Benjamin (who might be hurt again) and the fact that his bench looks like a hospital ward with one player on IR, two more who didn't play this week due to injury and Darren McFadden who's been a healthy scratch for two weeks in a row now. (Maybe he was just visiting the other guys?) But, truth be told, Andrew didn't have to try very hard this week to beat Dustin. Just one week removed from a breakout 106 point score - Dustin couldn't even manage half of that with 48 total points. You know who scored more points than that this week? Everyone. Including Dustin's bench (69 points.) Highlighted by Chris Thompson (26 points) there was definitely lots of... uh... help available for Dustin, had he made some better choices. In fact - an "optimized" roster for him could've scored as many as 102 points! But Dustin was in "Mexico" so his roster wasn't "optimized" and he "lost again".
Andrew will need some magic if he wants to continue his winning ways against undefeated Nick in week 4 while Dustin will need his WR1 and WR2 not to be injured if he hopes to even up his record at 2-2 against Jared.
1-888-F-SPORTS.
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Week 2
Another pretty underwhelming week in general for the NFL in week 2. At least there were a few high scoring players to make it not totally suck. So see the lion's share of those players - we don't have to go much further than our hands down highest scoring matchup of the week:
Bill v. Dustin
I know, I know - don't make Tom mad. Blah, blah, blah. But Tom Brady set the pace for Bill this week for sure. After an underwhelming week one, TB12 threw for over four hundred yards and three TDs in week two - good for 34 points after bonuses are added in. 116 of those yards (and one of those TDs) went to Gronk, good for another 22 points. Then Kareem Hunt went for 25 points - which wasn't quite as impressive as his 45 in week one, but was still pretty dang good. And, oh yeah, J.J. Nelson with 21 points. Wait - who? John Brown sitting out opened the door to the depth chart in Arizona and Bill got another infusion of points - like he really needed it. But actually, he DID need it. Because Dustin had some players break out in their own right. Draft day head scratcher Michael Crabtree grabbed three TDs against the Jets for an impressive 26 points and C.J. Anderson somehow became the best RB in a game against Dallas (and Zeke Elliott) - rushing for over 100 yards as well as recording both a rushing and receiving TD. Pretty ridiculous, to tell you the truth. Unfortunately, that was all the impressive that Dustin could muster and he took the loss despite scoring enough points to beat LITERALLY ever other team in the league this week. (Oh, and he also took the biggest loss of the week (31 points) since all the crappy matches were really close. Good times!) Just for good measure, we'll put the But Hurt Monday award on top of the cake for Dustin. I mean, I would've been butt hurt too - but luckily it wasn't me who ran into Bill this week! Bill will look to run over James in week three, which may or may not be as easy as it sounds since half of his roster got hurt this week. Dustin, meanwhile, will hope he can score a lot of points against Andrew and actually have it mean something.
Andrew v. Earl
Our second highest scoring match was between Earl and Andrew. And just like their love affair: it was really close, tense and we weren't sure who would end up on top until it was over. Uh... I mean... let's look at the numbers. Earl had a great week from QB Derek Carr (21pts) and "high" flier (get it?) Martavis Bryant (15pts) but recorded just 2 points from AARP card holder Larry Fitzgerald and 3 points from week 1 standout Adam Thielen. If Earl had put Allen Hurns (14pts) or Rex Burkhead (10pts) into his lineup instead of one of those busts, he would've taken the win this week. But he didn't. For his part, Andrew almost made a similar bonehead mistake. Heading into the weekend, Andrew was actually starting two TEs with Zach Ertz and Greg Olsen due to OBJ's questionable status and MNF game time. At the last minute, he decided to roll the dice and bench Ertz in favor of OBJ. He needed one point to tie, two to win, going into Monday night and princess Beckham managed to put it "over the top" with a whopping three points. A real nail biter that could've been averted if Andrew had just started Ertz (9pts). Luckily for Andrew - he won't have to debate on whether to start Ertz this week, because Greg Olsen hurt his foot, had surgery and is now on the IR until at least week 10. So anyone with an open IR spot should keep an eye out for John Brown or Greg Olsen on the waiver wire, because Andrew probably won't be able to justify holding onto both! Er... I mean, congratulations on being 1-1 Andrew!! Andrew will hope to continue his winning ways against Dustin's whining ways in week three while Earl will hope to prevail against Jeremy in a battle of the A/V producers.
Kevin v. Jared
Game number three was another close scoring game that could've been swayed one was or another by some different roster choices. Kevin had 15 points from Davante Adams, thanks in no small part to the fact that Jordy Nelson was pulled from the Green Bay game during the opening drive and never returned. (Which sucked for Jared, since Nelson put up a big fat goose egg for him as a result.) Some recent trade acquisitions paid big dividends as Chris Hogan netted 13 points for Kevin and Todd Gurley put up a huge 23 points for Jared... but I don't want to talk about how Jimmy Graham put up a big zero for Kevin and now might be hurt. Except that I have to. Because if Kevin had started Jason Witten instead of Graham, he would've gotten fifteen points from his TE instead of zero - and he wouldn't be tied with James for worst place at 0-2. Oh well. At least he gets the BBB this week! Jared moves to 1-1 and matches up with Tim in week 3 to see who will be a winning team and who will be a losing team by next Tuesday. Kevin, meanwhile, faces off with Nick in a game that looks way more mismatched when you judge by record instead of projected score.
Tim v. Matt
Through the early games on Sunday, Tim was definitely in a pit of despair. Cam Newton managed just 5 points, supposed wunderkind Christian McCaffrey managed just 7 and Matthew Berry's sweetheart Ted Ginn put up just 3 points in a "guaranteed shootout" against the Pats. It was looking pretty grim. But then the late games came around. Jay Ajayi put up 14 points (and looked like he might actually have been worth a first round pick), Emmanuel Sanders survived a lightning delay (is that a thing now?) and scored two TDs to finish with 18 points and Tyler Lockett started to look like he could maybe be a good pick by putting up 10 points - Tim's first three starting players to score double digits this season! Still, Matt looked like he could easily put this one away anyway. But lackluster days from Shady McCoy (3pts) and Antonio Brown (6pts) did him no favors and A-aron Rodgers losing almost all of his decent targets on Sunday night sealed Matt's fate. Tim eeks out the win and sent both teams to 1-1 on the season. He'll hope for some actual QB production in week three as he takes on Jared - who also will hope for QB production. And just to make it a threesome (eww) - Matt will hope for some improved QB play of his own as he faces off with "rival" Eric.
Eric v. Nick
While we're the topic of Eric - what the heck happened? Eric went from being the highest scoring team in the league for week 1 to the second lowest scoring team in the league for week 2. The Jacksonville D that got him 30 points in week 1 got him a big fat goose egg in week 2. He flat out dropped other week one hero Sam Bradford and managed just 10 points from "QB1" Jameis Winston in week 2. Really, the only positive thing about week two for Eric was Ty Montgomery getting 22 points (and probably a heavier workload since almost all of the Green Bay WRs are injured now). Nick, meanwhile, did slightly more than just enough to win. Devonta Freeman looked like the RB1 he alleges to be with 21 points, but week 1 standout Dalvin Cook looked pretty meh. And recent trade acquisitions Doug Baldwin and Austin Hooper managed a cumulative 4 points. (I guess we don't need to ask whether Jared or Nick made out better on that one, eh?) Still - a win is a win, and this win keeps Nick undefeated at 2-0. He'll hope to keep it that way in week three against Kevin, while Eric will hope to recapture some of that week one magic as he takes on Matt in a projected dead heat.
Jeremy v. James
I know this will come as a shock - but the lowest scoring match of the week was between James and Jeremy. Yes, for a second consecutive week James managed to score less than 50 points. And that was with Drew Brees scoring 23 points! It was bad. A zero from first round pick Jordan Howard, who looks like he might either be injured or, worse, just in a full blown time share with Tarik Cohen and a negative two from the Pats defense? The even worse news was that there's not much help to be found on James' bench with just 13 point there. Good news - Samaje Perine might be the new lead back in Washington after Rob Kelley suffered a rib injury. Not so good news - Corey Coleman broke his hand (again) and was placed on IR (again). Other news - RB Jonathan Williams still hasn't been on an NFL roster since September 3rd. But I digress. Jeremy had a good first day from Mike Evans (15pts), another decent week from Mike Gillislee (12pts) and uh... that was about it. Russell Wilson could only manage 11 points thanks to his dreadful offensive line, Tyler Eiffert might be hurt (again) and Tyreek Hill followed up his massive 24 point week one with a measly 4 points against the Eagles. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win a game with the third lowest score in the league. Barf. Jeremy plays Earl in week 3 while James might still think we're in the preseason.
Sports?
Andrew v. Earl
Our second highest scoring match was between Earl and Andrew. And just like their love affair: it was really close, tense and we weren't sure who would end up on top until it was over. Uh... I mean... let's look at the numbers. Earl had a great week from QB Derek Carr (21pts) and "high" flier (get it?) Martavis Bryant (15pts) but recorded just 2 points from AARP card holder Larry Fitzgerald and 3 points from week 1 standout Adam Thielen. If Earl had put Allen Hurns (14pts) or Rex Burkhead (10pts) into his lineup instead of one of those busts, he would've taken the win this week. But he didn't. For his part, Andrew almost made a similar bonehead mistake. Heading into the weekend, Andrew was actually starting two TEs with Zach Ertz and Greg Olsen due to OBJ's questionable status and MNF game time. At the last minute, he decided to roll the dice and bench Ertz in favor of OBJ. He needed one point to tie, two to win, going into Monday night and princess Beckham managed to put it "over the top" with a whopping three points. A real nail biter that could've been averted if Andrew had just started Ertz (9pts). Luckily for Andrew - he won't have to debate on whether to start Ertz this week, because Greg Olsen hurt his foot, had surgery and is now on the IR until at least week 10. So anyone with an open IR spot should keep an eye out for John Brown or Greg Olsen on the waiver wire, because Andrew probably won't be able to justify holding onto both! Er... I mean, congratulations on being 1-1 Andrew!! Andrew will hope to continue his winning ways against Dustin's whining ways in week three while Earl will hope to prevail against Jeremy in a battle of the A/V producers.
Kevin v. Jared
Game number three was another close scoring game that could've been swayed one was or another by some different roster choices. Kevin had 15 points from Davante Adams, thanks in no small part to the fact that Jordy Nelson was pulled from the Green Bay game during the opening drive and never returned. (Which sucked for Jared, since Nelson put up a big fat goose egg for him as a result.) Some recent trade acquisitions paid big dividends as Chris Hogan netted 13 points for Kevin and Todd Gurley put up a huge 23 points for Jared... but I don't want to talk about how Jimmy Graham put up a big zero for Kevin and now might be hurt. Except that I have to. Because if Kevin had started Jason Witten instead of Graham, he would've gotten fifteen points from his TE instead of zero - and he wouldn't be tied with James for worst place at 0-2. Oh well. At least he gets the BBB this week! Jared moves to 1-1 and matches up with Tim in week 3 to see who will be a winning team and who will be a losing team by next Tuesday. Kevin, meanwhile, faces off with Nick in a game that looks way more mismatched when you judge by record instead of projected score.
Tim v. Matt
Through the early games on Sunday, Tim was definitely in a pit of despair. Cam Newton managed just 5 points, supposed wunderkind Christian McCaffrey managed just 7 and Matthew Berry's sweetheart Ted Ginn put up just 3 points in a "guaranteed shootout" against the Pats. It was looking pretty grim. But then the late games came around. Jay Ajayi put up 14 points (and looked like he might actually have been worth a first round pick), Emmanuel Sanders survived a lightning delay (is that a thing now?) and scored two TDs to finish with 18 points and Tyler Lockett started to look like he could maybe be a good pick by putting up 10 points - Tim's first three starting players to score double digits this season! Still, Matt looked like he could easily put this one away anyway. But lackluster days from Shady McCoy (3pts) and Antonio Brown (6pts) did him no favors and A-aron Rodgers losing almost all of his decent targets on Sunday night sealed Matt's fate. Tim eeks out the win and sent both teams to 1-1 on the season. He'll hope for some actual QB production in week three as he takes on Jared - who also will hope for QB production. And just to make it a threesome (eww) - Matt will hope for some improved QB play of his own as he faces off with "rival" Eric.
Eric v. Nick
While we're the topic of Eric - what the heck happened? Eric went from being the highest scoring team in the league for week 1 to the second lowest scoring team in the league for week 2. The Jacksonville D that got him 30 points in week 1 got him a big fat goose egg in week 2. He flat out dropped other week one hero Sam Bradford and managed just 10 points from "QB1" Jameis Winston in week 2. Really, the only positive thing about week two for Eric was Ty Montgomery getting 22 points (and probably a heavier workload since almost all of the Green Bay WRs are injured now). Nick, meanwhile, did slightly more than just enough to win. Devonta Freeman looked like the RB1 he alleges to be with 21 points, but week 1 standout Dalvin Cook looked pretty meh. And recent trade acquisitions Doug Baldwin and Austin Hooper managed a cumulative 4 points. (I guess we don't need to ask whether Jared or Nick made out better on that one, eh?) Still - a win is a win, and this win keeps Nick undefeated at 2-0. He'll hope to keep it that way in week three against Kevin, while Eric will hope to recapture some of that week one magic as he takes on Matt in a projected dead heat.
Jeremy v. James
I know this will come as a shock - but the lowest scoring match of the week was between James and Jeremy. Yes, for a second consecutive week James managed to score less than 50 points. And that was with Drew Brees scoring 23 points! It was bad. A zero from first round pick Jordan Howard, who looks like he might either be injured or, worse, just in a full blown time share with Tarik Cohen and a negative two from the Pats defense? The even worse news was that there's not much help to be found on James' bench with just 13 point there. Good news - Samaje Perine might be the new lead back in Washington after Rob Kelley suffered a rib injury. Not so good news - Corey Coleman broke his hand (again) and was placed on IR (again). Other news - RB Jonathan Williams still hasn't been on an NFL roster since September 3rd. But I digress. Jeremy had a good first day from Mike Evans (15pts), another decent week from Mike Gillislee (12pts) and uh... that was about it. Russell Wilson could only manage 11 points thanks to his dreadful offensive line, Tyler Eiffert might be hurt (again) and Tyreek Hill followed up his massive 24 point week one with a measly 4 points against the Eagles. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win a game with the third lowest score in the league. Barf. Jeremy plays Earl in week 3 while James might still think we're in the preseason.
Sports?
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Week 1
What a terrible, dreadful, disgusting week one.
Tim v. Eric
So it looks like Tim's return yards experiment was a little too experimental. He didn't score half of what Eric did. Yikes. His only double digit starter was QB Cam Newton (13pts). Jimmy Graham didn't score a single point. Oh yeah. Good times. Perhaps the only (sort of) highlight was Kenny Golladay (whom Tim drafted, then dropped, then picked up, then dropped, then picked up again) and his 19 points / 2 TD day. But none of this is enough to overshadow the loss of unquestioned team MVP David Johnson for some or all of the season. For Eric's part, he didn't need to do much to beat Tim. But I don't know if even Eric and his black magic could've predicted that the Jacksonville D (30pts?!) and hurricane fill-in Sam Bradford (26pts?!) were all he'd need to secure the win. It made the 5 points put up by his first pick Demarco Murray and 4 points by keeper Michael Thomas not even seem that bad. For now. Eric takes home the first $5 Strong Like Lincoln award of the year as well as lays claim to the Mark Henry award... for now.
Matt v. Kevin
A tale of two autodrafted teams. One decent turnout, one decent-er turnout. Matt got 20 points out of Antonio Brown (duh) and 17 points out of LeSean McCoy (duh again) but also had enough supporting players to get him to 93 points - almost 20 more than he'd need to down Kevin in their first meeting ever. Matt could've topped 100 points if he'd been dumb enough to start Matt Stafford (26pts) against Arizona instead of Aaron Rodgers (14pts) against Seattle. Oh well, it didn't end up mattering. Kevin, on the other hand, made the most out of the mess Fenstermacher (and/or fate) dealt him. Keeper Marcus Mariota paid off fairly well (17pts) and hurricane fill-in Jason Witten (11pts) was good enough. The RB landscape looks even bleaker now that sort of okay RB2 Danny Woodhead is hurt... again. Kevin better hope for some waiver wire magic!
James v. Earl
After a down season in 2016, it looks like Earl might be back to reclaim his rightful spot as third place finisher! He got bonuses from both Leonard Fournette (20pts) and Adam Thielen (17pts) and coupled with an enormous 30 points from the LA Rams under the new defensive points structure - that was all he'd need to topple a hapless James. James came very close to being the lowest scoring team of the week. He eeked out Andrew by just one point to avoid that honor - though he did take the biggest loss of the week/year. It probably would've helped if he'd not started DeSean Jackson - who's game was postponed due to Hurricane Irma. Though, even if he'd subbed Corey Coleman's 11 points from the bench for Jackson's zero he still would've lost big. (Just not BIGGEST!)
Nick v. Jared
Somehow the schedule gods (ie: randomized) saw fit to have these two former greats square off for the second year in a row. Nick looks like he might be set to return to championship form while Jared... didn't. Nick had a strong day from both his starting QB (Matt Ryan - 20pts) and bench QB (Carson Wentz - 21pts), as well as a matching pair of 15's from RBs Todd Gurley and Dalvin Cook. But the real story (in my mind) was a breakout performance from Stefon Diggs (21pts) on MNF. If Nick can solve some smaller issues on his team - a second championship might not be out of the question. But Jared... he'll need some more help. Eddie Lacy put up a big fat zero as Jared's RB1 - that's less than ideal. Austin Hooper's 23 bench points would've be helpful to Jared's cause - but he still would've lost. (At least he won him the BBB!) Somehow just one of the heads of Jared's four headed WR beast (Baldwin/Cooks/Pryor/Nelson) managed double digits. Maybe it's time to trade a couple of them for a starting RB?
Bill v. Andrew
Our second lowest scoring matchup was the rematch of last year's championship. I think someone forgot to tell Andrew he had a game this week. Just nine months removed from winning the Sports Champion Winner Trophy (and a sweet windbreaker) Andrew could only manage 42 points. Forty two. He had one starting player in double digits: Melvin Gordon (13pts). So he wouldn't have come close to beating Bill even if Odell Beckham HAD played on Sunday night. Sad. Bill scrapped together 103 points even though he only had three starting players in double digits: Buffalo D (11pts), Zeke (15pts) and - oh yeah, Kareem Hunt with 45 points. Sorry. I could've summed this matchup up in four words: Kareem Hunt beat Andrew.
Jeremy v. Dustin
Our lowest scoring matchup didn't actually involve any of our lowest four scoring teams - just two very mediocre ones. Jeremy came out of the gates on fire with Mike Gillislee (22pts) and Tyreek Hill (24pts) on Thursday night... and that was about it. The only other double digit scoring players on his roster were a pair of matching 11 point TE's on his bench - Coby Fleener and Charles Clay - who each scored exactly 11 points more than the TE Jeremy started - Tyler Eifert. And so it was that Dustin pulled off a week one win with three players who managed a double digit score: Ben Roethlisberger (15pts), Legarette Blount (10pts) and the Pittsburgh D (20pts). Yup. That's really it. A player with two zeros on their starting roster won a game this week and we're only just getting started!
Sports.
Tim v. Eric
So it looks like Tim's return yards experiment was a little too experimental. He didn't score half of what Eric did. Yikes. His only double digit starter was QB Cam Newton (13pts). Jimmy Graham didn't score a single point. Oh yeah. Good times. Perhaps the only (sort of) highlight was Kenny Golladay (whom Tim drafted, then dropped, then picked up, then dropped, then picked up again) and his 19 points / 2 TD day. But none of this is enough to overshadow the loss of unquestioned team MVP David Johnson for some or all of the season. For Eric's part, he didn't need to do much to beat Tim. But I don't know if even Eric and his black magic could've predicted that the Jacksonville D (30pts?!) and hurricane fill-in Sam Bradford (26pts?!) were all he'd need to secure the win. It made the 5 points put up by his first pick Demarco Murray and 4 points by keeper Michael Thomas not even seem that bad. For now. Eric takes home the first $5 Strong Like Lincoln award of the year as well as lays claim to the Mark Henry award... for now.
Matt v. Kevin
A tale of two autodrafted teams. One decent turnout, one decent-er turnout. Matt got 20 points out of Antonio Brown (duh) and 17 points out of LeSean McCoy (duh again) but also had enough supporting players to get him to 93 points - almost 20 more than he'd need to down Kevin in their first meeting ever. Matt could've topped 100 points if he'd been dumb enough to start Matt Stafford (26pts) against Arizona instead of Aaron Rodgers (14pts) against Seattle. Oh well, it didn't end up mattering. Kevin, on the other hand, made the most out of the mess Fenstermacher (and/or fate) dealt him. Keeper Marcus Mariota paid off fairly well (17pts) and hurricane fill-in Jason Witten (11pts) was good enough. The RB landscape looks even bleaker now that sort of okay RB2 Danny Woodhead is hurt... again. Kevin better hope for some waiver wire magic!
James v. Earl
After a down season in 2016, it looks like Earl might be back to reclaim his rightful spot as third place finisher! He got bonuses from both Leonard Fournette (20pts) and Adam Thielen (17pts) and coupled with an enormous 30 points from the LA Rams under the new defensive points structure - that was all he'd need to topple a hapless James. James came very close to being the lowest scoring team of the week. He eeked out Andrew by just one point to avoid that honor - though he did take the biggest loss of the week/year. It probably would've helped if he'd not started DeSean Jackson - who's game was postponed due to Hurricane Irma. Though, even if he'd subbed Corey Coleman's 11 points from the bench for Jackson's zero he still would've lost big. (Just not BIGGEST!)
Nick v. Jared
Somehow the schedule gods (ie: randomized) saw fit to have these two former greats square off for the second year in a row. Nick looks like he might be set to return to championship form while Jared... didn't. Nick had a strong day from both his starting QB (Matt Ryan - 20pts) and bench QB (Carson Wentz - 21pts), as well as a matching pair of 15's from RBs Todd Gurley and Dalvin Cook. But the real story (in my mind) was a breakout performance from Stefon Diggs (21pts) on MNF. If Nick can solve some smaller issues on his team - a second championship might not be out of the question. But Jared... he'll need some more help. Eddie Lacy put up a big fat zero as Jared's RB1 - that's less than ideal. Austin Hooper's 23 bench points would've be helpful to Jared's cause - but he still would've lost. (At least he won him the BBB!) Somehow just one of the heads of Jared's four headed WR beast (Baldwin/Cooks/Pryor/Nelson) managed double digits. Maybe it's time to trade a couple of them for a starting RB?
Bill v. Andrew
Our second lowest scoring matchup was the rematch of last year's championship. I think someone forgot to tell Andrew he had a game this week. Just nine months removed from winning the Sports Champion Winner Trophy (and a sweet windbreaker) Andrew could only manage 42 points. Forty two. He had one starting player in double digits: Melvin Gordon (13pts). So he wouldn't have come close to beating Bill even if Odell Beckham HAD played on Sunday night. Sad. Bill scrapped together 103 points even though he only had three starting players in double digits: Buffalo D (11pts), Zeke (15pts) and - oh yeah, Kareem Hunt with 45 points. Sorry. I could've summed this matchup up in four words: Kareem Hunt beat Andrew.
Jeremy v. Dustin
Our lowest scoring matchup didn't actually involve any of our lowest four scoring teams - just two very mediocre ones. Jeremy came out of the gates on fire with Mike Gillislee (22pts) and Tyreek Hill (24pts) on Thursday night... and that was about it. The only other double digit scoring players on his roster were a pair of matching 11 point TE's on his bench - Coby Fleener and Charles Clay - who each scored exactly 11 points more than the TE Jeremy started - Tyler Eifert. And so it was that Dustin pulled off a week one win with three players who managed a double digit score: Ben Roethlisberger (15pts), Legarette Blount (10pts) and the Pittsburgh D (20pts). Yup. That's really it. A player with two zeros on their starting roster won a game this week and we're only just getting started!
Sports.
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