Bill v. Dustin
I know, I know - don't make Tom mad. Blah, blah, blah. But Tom Brady set the pace for Bill this week for sure. After an underwhelming week one, TB12 threw for over four hundred yards and three TDs in week two - good for 34 points after bonuses are added in. 116 of those yards (and one of those TDs) went to Gronk, good for another 22 points. Then Kareem Hunt went for 25 points - which wasn't quite as impressive as his 45 in week one, but was still pretty dang good. And, oh yeah, J.J. Nelson with 21 points. Wait - who? John Brown sitting out opened the door to the depth chart in Arizona and Bill got another infusion of points - like he really needed it. But actually, he DID need it. Because Dustin had some players break out in their own right. Draft day head scratcher Michael Crabtree grabbed three TDs against the Jets for an impressive 26 points and C.J. Anderson somehow became the best RB in a game against Dallas (and Zeke Elliott) - rushing for over 100 yards as well as recording both a rushing and receiving TD. Pretty ridiculous, to tell you the truth. Unfortunately, that was all the impressive that Dustin could muster and he took the loss despite scoring enough points to beat LITERALLY ever other team in the league this week. (Oh, and he also took the biggest loss of the week (31 points) since all the crappy matches were really close. Good times!) Just for good measure, we'll put the But Hurt Monday award on top of the cake for Dustin. I mean, I would've been butt hurt too - but luckily it wasn't me who ran into Bill this week! Bill will look to run over James in week three, which may or may not be as easy as it sounds since half of his roster got hurt this week. Dustin, meanwhile, will hope he can score a lot of points against Andrew and actually have it mean something.
Andrew v. Earl
Our second highest scoring match was between Earl and Andrew. And just like their love affair: it was really close, tense and we weren't sure who would end up on top until it was over. Uh... I mean... let's look at the numbers. Earl had a great week from QB Derek Carr (21pts) and "high" flier (get it?) Martavis Bryant (15pts) but recorded just 2 points from AARP card holder Larry Fitzgerald and 3 points from week 1 standout Adam Thielen. If Earl had put Allen Hurns (14pts) or Rex Burkhead (10pts) into his lineup instead of one of those busts, he would've taken the win this week. But he didn't. For his part, Andrew almost made a similar bonehead mistake. Heading into the weekend, Andrew was actually starting two TEs with Zach Ertz and Greg Olsen due to OBJ's questionable status and MNF game time. At the last minute, he decided to roll the dice and bench Ertz in favor of OBJ. He needed one point to tie, two to win, going into Monday night and princess Beckham managed to put it "over the top" with a whopping three points. A real nail biter that could've been averted if Andrew had just started Ertz (9pts). Luckily for Andrew - he won't have to debate on whether to start Ertz this week, because Greg Olsen hurt his foot, had surgery and is now on the IR until at least week 10. So anyone with an open IR spot should keep an eye out for John Brown or Greg Olsen on the waiver wire, because Andrew probably won't be able to justify holding onto both! Er... I mean, congratulations on being 1-1 Andrew!! Andrew will hope to continue his winning ways against Dustin's whining ways in week three while Earl will hope to prevail against Jeremy in a battle of the A/V producers.
Kevin v. Jared
Game number three was another close scoring game that could've been swayed one was or another by some different roster choices. Kevin had 15 points from Davante Adams, thanks in no small part to the fact that Jordy Nelson was pulled from the Green Bay game during the opening drive and never returned. (Which sucked for Jared, since Nelson put up a big fat goose egg for him as a result.) Some recent trade acquisitions paid big dividends as Chris Hogan netted 13 points for Kevin and Todd Gurley put up a huge 23 points for Jared... but I don't want to talk about how Jimmy Graham put up a big zero for Kevin and now might be hurt. Except that I have to. Because if Kevin had started Jason Witten instead of Graham, he would've gotten fifteen points from his TE instead of zero - and he wouldn't be tied with James for worst place at 0-2. Oh well. At least he gets the BBB this week! Jared moves to 1-1 and matches up with Tim in week 3 to see who will be a winning team and who will be a losing team by next Tuesday. Kevin, meanwhile, faces off with Nick in a game that looks way more mismatched when you judge by record instead of projected score.
Tim v. Matt
Through the early games on Sunday, Tim was definitely in a pit of despair. Cam Newton managed just 5 points, supposed wunderkind Christian McCaffrey managed just 7 and Matthew Berry's sweetheart Ted Ginn put up just 3 points in a "guaranteed shootout" against the Pats. It was looking pretty grim. But then the late games came around. Jay Ajayi put up 14 points (and looked like he might actually have been worth a first round pick), Emmanuel Sanders survived a lightning delay (is that a thing now?) and scored two TDs to finish with 18 points and Tyler Lockett started to look like he could maybe be a good pick by putting up 10 points - Tim's first three starting players to score double digits this season! Still, Matt looked like he could easily put this one away anyway. But lackluster days from Shady McCoy (3pts) and Antonio Brown (6pts) did him no favors and A-aron Rodgers losing almost all of his decent targets on Sunday night sealed Matt's fate. Tim eeks out the win and sent both teams to 1-1 on the season. He'll hope for some actual QB production in week three as he takes on Jared - who also will hope for QB production. And just to make it a threesome (eww) - Matt will hope for some improved QB play of his own as he faces off with "rival" Eric.
Eric v. Nick
While we're the topic of Eric - what the heck happened? Eric went from being the highest scoring team in the league for week 1 to the second lowest scoring team in the league for week 2. The Jacksonville D that got him 30 points in week 1 got him a big fat goose egg in week 2. He flat out dropped other week one hero Sam Bradford and managed just 10 points from "QB1" Jameis Winston in week 2. Really, the only positive thing about week two for Eric was Ty Montgomery getting 22 points (and probably a heavier workload since almost all of the Green Bay WRs are injured now). Nick, meanwhile, did slightly more than just enough to win. Devonta Freeman looked like the RB1 he alleges to be with 21 points, but week 1 standout Dalvin Cook looked pretty meh. And recent trade acquisitions Doug Baldwin and Austin Hooper managed a cumulative 4 points. (I guess we don't need to ask whether Jared or Nick made out better on that one, eh?) Still - a win is a win, and this win keeps Nick undefeated at 2-0. He'll hope to keep it that way in week three against Kevin, while Eric will hope to recapture some of that week one magic as he takes on Matt in a projected dead heat.
Jeremy v. James
I know this will come as a shock - but the lowest scoring match of the week was between James and Jeremy. Yes, for a second consecutive week James managed to score less than 50 points. And that was with Drew Brees scoring 23 points! It was bad. A zero from first round pick Jordan Howard, who looks like he might either be injured or, worse, just in a full blown time share with Tarik Cohen and a negative two from the Pats defense? The even worse news was that there's not much help to be found on James' bench with just 13 point there. Good news - Samaje Perine might be the new lead back in Washington after Rob Kelley suffered a rib injury. Not so good news - Corey Coleman broke his hand (again) and was placed on IR (again). Other news - RB Jonathan Williams still hasn't been on an NFL roster since September 3rd. But I digress. Jeremy had a good first day from Mike Evans (15pts), another decent week from Mike Gillislee (12pts) and uh... that was about it. Russell Wilson could only manage 11 points thanks to his dreadful offensive line, Tyler Eiffert might be hurt (again) and Tyreek Hill followed up his massive 24 point week one with a measly 4 points against the Eagles. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win a game with the third lowest score in the league. Barf. Jeremy plays Earl in week 3 while James might still think we're in the preseason.
Sports?
Andrew v. Earl
Our second highest scoring match was between Earl and Andrew. And just like their love affair: it was really close, tense and we weren't sure who would end up on top until it was over. Uh... I mean... let's look at the numbers. Earl had a great week from QB Derek Carr (21pts) and "high" flier (get it?) Martavis Bryant (15pts) but recorded just 2 points from AARP card holder Larry Fitzgerald and 3 points from week 1 standout Adam Thielen. If Earl had put Allen Hurns (14pts) or Rex Burkhead (10pts) into his lineup instead of one of those busts, he would've taken the win this week. But he didn't. For his part, Andrew almost made a similar bonehead mistake. Heading into the weekend, Andrew was actually starting two TEs with Zach Ertz and Greg Olsen due to OBJ's questionable status and MNF game time. At the last minute, he decided to roll the dice and bench Ertz in favor of OBJ. He needed one point to tie, two to win, going into Monday night and princess Beckham managed to put it "over the top" with a whopping three points. A real nail biter that could've been averted if Andrew had just started Ertz (9pts). Luckily for Andrew - he won't have to debate on whether to start Ertz this week, because Greg Olsen hurt his foot, had surgery and is now on the IR until at least week 10. So anyone with an open IR spot should keep an eye out for John Brown or Greg Olsen on the waiver wire, because Andrew probably won't be able to justify holding onto both! Er... I mean, congratulations on being 1-1 Andrew!! Andrew will hope to continue his winning ways against Dustin's whining ways in week three while Earl will hope to prevail against Jeremy in a battle of the A/V producers.
Kevin v. Jared
Game number three was another close scoring game that could've been swayed one was or another by some different roster choices. Kevin had 15 points from Davante Adams, thanks in no small part to the fact that Jordy Nelson was pulled from the Green Bay game during the opening drive and never returned. (Which sucked for Jared, since Nelson put up a big fat goose egg for him as a result.) Some recent trade acquisitions paid big dividends as Chris Hogan netted 13 points for Kevin and Todd Gurley put up a huge 23 points for Jared... but I don't want to talk about how Jimmy Graham put up a big zero for Kevin and now might be hurt. Except that I have to. Because if Kevin had started Jason Witten instead of Graham, he would've gotten fifteen points from his TE instead of zero - and he wouldn't be tied with James for worst place at 0-2. Oh well. At least he gets the BBB this week! Jared moves to 1-1 and matches up with Tim in week 3 to see who will be a winning team and who will be a losing team by next Tuesday. Kevin, meanwhile, faces off with Nick in a game that looks way more mismatched when you judge by record instead of projected score.
Tim v. Matt
Through the early games on Sunday, Tim was definitely in a pit of despair. Cam Newton managed just 5 points, supposed wunderkind Christian McCaffrey managed just 7 and Matthew Berry's sweetheart Ted Ginn put up just 3 points in a "guaranteed shootout" against the Pats. It was looking pretty grim. But then the late games came around. Jay Ajayi put up 14 points (and looked like he might actually have been worth a first round pick), Emmanuel Sanders survived a lightning delay (is that a thing now?) and scored two TDs to finish with 18 points and Tyler Lockett started to look like he could maybe be a good pick by putting up 10 points - Tim's first three starting players to score double digits this season! Still, Matt looked like he could easily put this one away anyway. But lackluster days from Shady McCoy (3pts) and Antonio Brown (6pts) did him no favors and A-aron Rodgers losing almost all of his decent targets on Sunday night sealed Matt's fate. Tim eeks out the win and sent both teams to 1-1 on the season. He'll hope for some actual QB production in week three as he takes on Jared - who also will hope for QB production. And just to make it a threesome (eww) - Matt will hope for some improved QB play of his own as he faces off with "rival" Eric.
Eric v. Nick
While we're the topic of Eric - what the heck happened? Eric went from being the highest scoring team in the league for week 1 to the second lowest scoring team in the league for week 2. The Jacksonville D that got him 30 points in week 1 got him a big fat goose egg in week 2. He flat out dropped other week one hero Sam Bradford and managed just 10 points from "QB1" Jameis Winston in week 2. Really, the only positive thing about week two for Eric was Ty Montgomery getting 22 points (and probably a heavier workload since almost all of the Green Bay WRs are injured now). Nick, meanwhile, did slightly more than just enough to win. Devonta Freeman looked like the RB1 he alleges to be with 21 points, but week 1 standout Dalvin Cook looked pretty meh. And recent trade acquisitions Doug Baldwin and Austin Hooper managed a cumulative 4 points. (I guess we don't need to ask whether Jared or Nick made out better on that one, eh?) Still - a win is a win, and this win keeps Nick undefeated at 2-0. He'll hope to keep it that way in week three against Kevin, while Eric will hope to recapture some of that week one magic as he takes on Matt in a projected dead heat.
Jeremy v. James
I know this will come as a shock - but the lowest scoring match of the week was between James and Jeremy. Yes, for a second consecutive week James managed to score less than 50 points. And that was with Drew Brees scoring 23 points! It was bad. A zero from first round pick Jordan Howard, who looks like he might either be injured or, worse, just in a full blown time share with Tarik Cohen and a negative two from the Pats defense? The even worse news was that there's not much help to be found on James' bench with just 13 point there. Good news - Samaje Perine might be the new lead back in Washington after Rob Kelley suffered a rib injury. Not so good news - Corey Coleman broke his hand (again) and was placed on IR (again). Other news - RB Jonathan Williams still hasn't been on an NFL roster since September 3rd. But I digress. Jeremy had a good first day from Mike Evans (15pts), another decent week from Mike Gillislee (12pts) and uh... that was about it. Russell Wilson could only manage 11 points thanks to his dreadful offensive line, Tyler Eiffert might be hurt (again) and Tyreek Hill followed up his massive 24 point week one with a measly 4 points against the Eagles. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win a game with the third lowest score in the league. Barf. Jeremy plays Earl in week 3 while James might still think we're in the preseason.
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