Week 9

We're almost 3/4 of the way through the fake sports season and there are some sub .500 teams still vying for a playoff berth! Who said going back to just 2 divisions would improve the quality of our playoff teams? Thankfully, there's still a handful of weeks left to play - so hope remains that all of our playoff teams might actually end up with winning records. But let's not jump too far ahead, we've got some mediocre action from week 9 to get through before we get to see how depressing the playoffs will be!


Tim v. James

What would you say if I told you that James would score 80 or more points for just the third time all season WITHOUT Jordan Howard in his lineup? I know, right?! QB Drew Brees (17pts) rebounded from his first single digit score of the season in week 8 and put up a respectable score to lead the way for James while FA add RB Devontae Booker (12pts) proved that kick return yards DO actually add up - as he had just 21 rushing yards but still made his way to double digits. But the real hero for WYIM this week was WR Marvin Jones (24pts) who's 107 yards and 2 TDs on MNF almost brought James' score high enough for him to not take the biggest loss of the week. Almost. But alas, James still ended up losing by 38 points and taking the Catcher award thanks to a goose egg from oft injured TE Ryan Griffin, who left his game early after suffering yet another concussion.

As for Tim, only time will tell if he's here for real now or if he just happened to catch lightning in a bottle in week 9. But for the time being, the Trash Pandas were firing on (almost) all cylinders with just two starting players recording single digit scores (RB Orleans Darkwa & WR Dez Bryant with matching 7's.) Out in front for CTP were RB Alvin Kamara (25pts), who scored both a rushing and receiving TD, and usual suspect - QB Dak Prescott (24pts), who has thrown 2 or more TDs in 75% of his games this season and rushed for a total of 4 additional scores. We'll also give an honorable mention to RB Christian McCaffrey (14pts) who's 66 rushing yards and first rushing TD of the season proved that, yes, he is actually a running back. Tim puts up his highest total of the season (not to mention winning his first game on an odd numbered week) and takes home both the Strong Like Abe and the Pitcher Award.

Looking ahead to week 10 - Tim will hope to keep his undefeated "even" week record going as he faces off with Dustin while James matches up pretty evenly with Nick and will look to play spoiler to the Pig Skins' playoff chances - if not preserve whatever slim playoff chances he himself has.

Bill v. Jared

The second highest scoring matchup of the week was a close, if not impressive, meeting between the first place and a (tied for) second place team in the league.

For Jared, QB Cam Newton (18pts) got untracked from his lackluster weeks 7 & 8 and and looked a little more like that guy who Tim regretted dropping. (Although Jared appears to be taking a cue from Eric's book and had 20 points from QB2 Tyrod Taylor on his bench.) Also standing out was RB Todd Gurley (21pts) who continues to say, "Regression? What regression?" - much to the chagrin of the skeptics... and former owner Nick. But Jared's big misstep was earlier in the week when he dropped RB Matt Forte to pick up the aforementioned Tyrod Taylor for $7: as Forte also put up 20 points on the waiver wire while RB DeAndre Washington put up just 1 point in Jared's starting lineup. It may not have qualified for the BBB - but it certainly cost Jared the win and broke his winning streak at 7 games.

Not that it was all kittens and tater tots for Bill, of course. He was without TB12 and Gronk, which probably offset Jared being without Brandin Cooks & Antonio Brown if nothing else. Bill's QB replacement, Jared Goff (36pts!) was a more than adequate stand in, but fill-in TE Cameron Brate (ze-ro)... not so much. Luckily, Bill had the services of "innocent" Ezekiel Elliott (15pts) for one more week to keep him in the game. And, even more luckily, that set up unlikely MNF hero Ameer Abdullah - who scored a TD just before getting a case of the fumbles (and subsequently getting benched) to put Bill up for good. (And put him back into the win column after last week's embarrassing last minute loss to Matt.)

The win by Bill and loss by Jared move them into a three way (tie) for first with Andrew. (Ewww.) Jared and Andrew will square off next week to figure out who gets to go back to second place while Bill will just have to beat Eric in order to maintain his (shared) place atop the standings. (I was really trying to fit a human centipede reference into this paragraph, but I just couldn't squeeze it in.)

Nick v. Jeremy

They say all good things must come to an end, and that happened twice in this matchup. Jeremy's two game winning streak was broken... as was Nick's three game losing streak. Rats.

For Jeremy: QB Russell Wilson (20pts) had this third consecutive game with multiple passing TDs and Tyreek Hill (15pts) continued to only show up on odd numbered weeks. But lackluster showings from RBs Mark Ingram (7pts) and Alex Collins (4pts) in addition to WRs Mike Evans (1pt) and Nelson Agholor (3pts) and TE Austin Sefarian-Jenkins (2pts) were just too much underachieving for Jeremy to overcome as he could only get together 74 points in this one.

Of course, Nick also had his fair share of underachieving - like a single digit score from supposed RB1 Devonta Freeman (5pts). But who needs running backs when you have WR T.Y. Hilton (35pts!) with his 3rd 150+ yard game of the season? (We won't dwell on the fact that he's been rubbish in the other 6 games he's played in, of course.) Toss in an 18 point showing from WR2 Doug Baldwin, thanks to Jeremy's QB, and 22 points from QB Carson Wentz's ridiculous 3rd four TD game of the season and Nick was able to cobble together one of just two triple digit scores this week. Fun fact: Nick was actually in line to take home both the Strong Like Abe & Pitcher awards this week until the Detroit D (7pts) let Green Bay score a TD with no time left of the clock, dropping Nick's levels just enough to let Tim have all the hardware.

Nick draws a favorable matchup against James in week 10, but he'll need to be on his "A" game if he wants to stay in the playoff picture. Jeremy, on the other hand, will have to get back to his winning ways in a fairly even looking matchup with Matt if he wants to get back on the right side of the playoff bubble with just four weeks left in the regular season.

Earl v. Matt

Even though we're technically on the back nine now, we do have one more pretty decent matchup to talk about before we get to the real rubbish.

Matt made Earl sweat in this one, bringing it right down to the wire with big prime time showings from TE Jared Cook (14pts) on SNF and QB Matt Stafford (23pts) and WR Golden Tate (13pts) on MNF. In fact: if usual offensive stalwart LeSean McCoy (2pts) hadn't shat the bed on TNF, Matt probably could've had this one wrapped up. If only. Of course, it also would've helped if Matt had started either WR Robert Woods (22pts) or WR Terrance Williams (16pts): either of whom also could've won him the game. But the only thing those two guys won for Matt this week was the BBB. (And also the small moral victory of going a whole week without landing a player on the IR for the rest of the season!)

But Earl doesn't care how he wins, as long as he wins! See also: that time when Leonard Fournette was a surprise scratch on Sunday morning after being suspended for a team rules violation. Earl noticed that Fournette was listed as "O" instead of "SSPD" and was able to move him to his IR spot so he could pick up fill-in RB TJ Yeldon (4pts). Sneaky. Or, also see also: that time when Earl saw that Andrew's TE Zach Ertz was ruled out of the Eagles' 1pm game and instead of letting Andrew know, Earl decided to pick up Eagles TE2 Trey Burton (10pts) for his own lineup. Did either of those moves really matter? Oh, yeah, that Burton move actually won the week for Earl. Though the 20pts he got from the Saints Defense certainly didn't hurt either. I mostly just wanted to throw him under the bus, though. Because I could. <grin>

The win keeps Earl in 4th place overall, 3rd in the Sweaty Jocks division. He'll hope that his bad karma doesn't negatively affect a week 10 matchup with Kevin that he should totally win.

Matt finds himself in a four way tie for second to last place with Dustin, Eric and the aforementioned Kevin. He'll match up with Jeremy and both hope to improve on his slim chances of being a playoff team while at the same time dashing Jeremy's slightly less slim chances of finishing the season on a high note.

Andrew v. Kevin

Okay, I already let the cat out of the bag on this one in that previous recap - but don't worry, I'm not done with Andrew on this one.

What is it with this Reese boys not starting TEs? Earlier this season, in week 5, Bill saw that TE Rob Gronkowski was ruled out of his matchup against Tampa but decided to leave him in the lineup anyway, instead of dropping a player to pick up a replacement. He went on to barely eek out a win against Jeremy: 75-65. This week, Andrew... maybe didn't see that Zach Ertz was ruled out? Or maybe he just had as much hubris as his big brother and figured he didn't need a TE to win a game? (The world may never know because Andrew's phone allegedly doesn't get text messages on a regular basis.) But it doesn't much matter as he also eeked out a victory with 8 players: 75-62. The main saving grace for Andrew's day was Ertz's Eagle teammate WR Alshon Jeffrey (20pt) who's 2 TD day against the Broncos was clearly his best game of the season. Well, that and the fact that Kevin's stud WR A.J. Green (0pts) is an idiot and got himself kicked out of his game for fighting!

With Green out of the game early and other WR standout Chris Hogan on bye (and injured), Kevin just couldn't get anything going - despite a boost from RB Chris Ivory (10pts) getting the starting nod for Jacksonville with Leonard Fournette in street clothes.

So despite either being an idiot or an asshole (or both?), Andrew finds himself improbably tied for first place heading into his week 10 matchup with fellow firsty Jared. And just like last week when Bill faced Jared - I'm really not sure who I want to lose more. I'm pretty sure I want Kevin to win against Earl, though. You know - so he doesn't quit in the off season like all of the other losers in our league have done in recent years!

Eric v. Dustin

And speaking of losers: Julio Jones scored 13 points for Dustin and Marshawn Lynch scored 17 points for Eric. That's the postive side. The microscopic positive side. Dustin's pathetic 44 point total was, sadly, only the third lowest total of the season - though it was (barely) Dustin's worst showing. However, Eric's equally pathetic 56 point total was (barely) the lowest total for a "winning" team this year. Dustin plays Tim and Eric plays Bill in week 10. Hopefully they both do a better job. Well, hopefully Eric does. Dustin can feel free to lose. That'd be fine, in my totally unbiased opinion.

"Sports."