Week 10

Well... that escalated quickly! This week saw a high scoring shootout between two surprising teams, a few rather predictable victories, a shocking upset and one massive shitting of the bed by a supposed contender. I don't mean to oversell things, but this might've been the most exciting week yet in 2017. Let's jump right in!

Jeremy v. Matt

Okay, I know their records may not necessarily reflect this - but we actually shouldn't be totally shocked that the highest scoring matchup this week was between Matt and Jeremy. Don't forget Matt beat Bill just a couple weeks ago and Jeremy knocked off Andrew with 120 points the week before that. Both teams have shown flashes of greatness... and mediocrity. This week started off with the latter but ended on the former in a big way.

Matt had six starters who recorded single digit scores, but ended up being buoyed by the Motor City connection of QB Matt Stafford (17pts) and WR Golden Tate (16pts) early in the day on Sunday. That, in turn, opened the door to a MONSTROUS afternoon for WR Robert Woods (34pts!) who scored two TDs for the second week in a row - and this week paired it with 174 receiving yards. Suddenly a dismal day was looking pretty sunny and it seemed that Jeremy would have to make up a lot of ground if he wanted to take home his fifth win of the season.

Yeah, Jeremy found himself in a hole because of a downright pedestrian first half of the week, kicked off by a lackluster 13 points from usually exciting QB Russell Wilson on TNF. Couple that with five single digit scores in the early games (including a pair of 1's from TE Charles Clay and WR Aldrick Robinson) and Jeremy might've just lost all hope... except for that little 131 yard, 3 TD outing for RB Mark Ingram (33pts!) against Buffalo. But even with that massive showing by his number one RB, he found himself trailing Matt by 26 points with just Dion Lewis and the Miami Defense left to play. So, of course, as if on queue - Lewis went ahead and scored 27 points on SNF to put Jeremy on top! With his actual score one point better than Matt's @ 96, Jeremy was projected to finish with over 100 points - which would've put him in the running for the Strong Like Abe. But prudence truly was the better part of valor and Jeremy opted to sit the Dolphins D and "take a knee" instead of going for the gusto. Good thing he thought it thought, because Miami fell apart against the Panthers on MNF and finished with a ghastly -8 points. Wouldn't THAT have been embarrassing? Indeed.

The win evens Jeremy out at 5-5 on the season but still leaves him on the wrong side of the playoff bubble for the time being. He'll try to keep control of his own destiny with a win in plus matchup against Kevin in week 11. Unfortunately for Matt, however, his second consecutive heartbreaking loss leave him with a 3-7 record and mere inches away from mathematical elimination. He'll try to keep his microscopic playoff hopes alive by putting a final nail in Dustin's coffin this week, since he also sits at 3-7 going into this next matchup.

Bill v. Eric 

Guys, I really think Bill is into some sort of voodoo or witchcraft or something. I mean, sure, he was only playing Eric this week - but still. No Zeke for the next 6 weeks? No K.Hunt (even though he's been almost a non-factor for the past few weeks) thanks to the bye? Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? Nah. Sounds like the perfect setup to win his third Strong Like Abe of the season!

That's right, Bill's team of misfit toys posted a total of seven double digit scores, including season highs in yardage by RB Tevin Coleman (14pts), RB Jonathan Stewart (13pts) and WR Sterling Shepard (16pts). Only WR Keenan Allen (4pts) and TE Rob Gronkowski (7pts) failed to break the ten point threshold. Depth or luck? You be the judge.

As for Eric, he had a big day from RB Demarco Murray (25pts) - but not much else. The big story for the once feared "whiz kid", however, continues to be Eric's apparent mission to dole out serious injuries to as many of his players as possible. This week is was RB Rob Kelley (high ankle sprain/MCL sprain), RB Ty Montgomery (broken ribs?) and RB Aaron Jones (MCL sprain). They join TE Jordan Reed (hamstring) and QB Jameis Winston (shoulder) on Eric's IR list of a team.

Moving forward, Eric will (maybe) try to cobble together a fieldable team (with just $10 left in his FAAB) to take on Tim in the week ahead. He did defeat the Trash Pandas by a score of 114-53 back in week one, but that was literally almost a full roster of injured players ago - so it'll be an uphill climb to say the least. And speaking of week one - Bill will also revisit his week one matchup with Andrew: a matchup he won by a score of 103-42. With Andrew's team looking more like that counterfeit sports team this week rather than the top tier contender he portends to be - this might end up being another layup for Bill. <sigh>

Tim v. Dustin

And speaking of <sigh> - Tim fell just short of taking home positive hardware for the second week in a row thanks to Jared & Bill's MNF surges. That's depressing. But you know what else is depressing? Dustin's team.

That's right, Dustin lost another one - thanks to just three double digits scores from his entire team: QB Big Ben (15pts) and RBs Isaiah Crowell (15pts) Chris Thompson (11pts). Besides that it was 6 below for the rest of his roster and, once again, we're left asking: anyone seen Dustin? (Maybe he's hanging out with TE Jack Doyle? Because with more 0's than double digit scores this season - he also goes missing quite frequently, apparently.) <sigh>

For Tim's part, his team does (mostly) continue to fire on all cylinders - except for a few "missing persons" of his own. QB Dak Prescott (7pts) put up a single digit score for the second time in three weeks and fellow Cowboy Dez Bryant (3pts) continued to be the textbook definition of "TD dependent" - despite rumors of an impending breakout with Ezekiel Elliot out of the lineup. Luckily, the rookie magic of RB Alvin Kamara (21pts), WR JuJu Smith-Schuster (17pts) and RB/WR/Butter Knife Christian McCaffrey (17pts) continued to build - lifting the TPs to an easy victory.

Tim will hope for another easy win as he faces Eric in week 11 - seeking to solidify his hold on a playoff berth with a record of 5-4-1. Dustin, as previously mentioned, will have to bring a little more mustard in his matchup against Matt - especially if he wants to maintain any illusion of being able to sneak into the playoffs. (Or maybe it's just a good time to start stashing keepers for next season?)

Kevin v. Earl

For the second week in a row we find Earl in a 4th highest scoring matchup that was still actually pretty good... but no thanks to the red bearded wonder this time around! That's right sports fans, in perhaps the most memorable upset since Matt's win over Bill in week 8 (no, I'm not going to let it go) - Kevin pulled off an improbable victory over a team that everyone (myself included) has pretty much presumed as a playoff lock up until this point. Suddenly, Earl finds himself on the bubble with Tim - and Jeremy breathing heavily down his neck! (Hot.)

So how exactly does that happen? Well, there certainly wasn't any help from QB Eli Manning (14pts) - whom Earl acquired in a game day trade with James on Sunday morning before promptly shipping him back just two days later. (Collusion much?) I mean, yeah, that was a decent enough score - but when compared with the options on the waiver wire: CJ Beathard (28pts), Case Keenum (26pts), Deshone Kizer (21pts)... oh, wait, Earl would've still lost anyway. Sure, WR Adam Thielen (24pts) tore it up with 166 receiving yards and a TD - but RB2 Adrian Peterson (2pts) and RB3 Leonard Fournette (4pts) just couldn't get anything going - and much of Earl's team seemingly followed suit.

His opponent? Similar results in terms of hit or miss success. But Kevin's successes were just more successful, I guess you could say. WR AJ Green (22pts) managed to go a whole game without getting in a fight and as a result hung 115 yards and a TD on the Titans while WR Devin Funchess (21pts) continued to thrive in the absence of Kelvin Benjamin - finding his way to 92 yard and 2 TDs against Miami on MNF. Throw in a couple more TDs from TE Jimmy Graham (14pts) and 17 points from a Rams Defense that's put up elite numbers in 6 out of 9 games this season and you have a legit 100 point week from a team that could've just called it in weeks ago. Kevin now sports a 4-6 record and continues to live up to the "Not Dead Yet" moniker... for the time being, anyway.

Whether Kevin poses a legit threat to the bubble teams or is just set up to play the role of spoiler remains to be seen, but he'll have a chance to do both when he faces Jeremy in week 11. Earl on the other hand will have to beat (his business partner) James in order to maintain his grip on one of the final playoff spots. (Whether James tries to help Earl win for a second week in a row remains to be seen.)

Nick v. James

Speaking of James helping people win: Nick was the beneficiary of James' dumpster fire of a team this week. Of course, Nick scored 80 points - a feat which James has managed to meet or exceed only thrice this season; so I guess the rest is pretty elementary.

With only three players (barely) making double digits in his starting lineup, James didn't even pretend to put up a fight in this one. And normally I would do that thing where I point out how if he'd started this guy instead of that guy he could've won - but it's just not worth it. At 2-7 James is officially our first team completely eliminated from any kind of playoff picture.

Nick, on the other hand, is still in contention... for now. Getting QB Carson Wentz back from bye next week will help. Losing RB Devonta Freeman for who knows how long to the concussion protocol won't. But at least Nick has WR Robby Anderson (14pts), right? He's scored a TD in each of the past three weeks. You know who else on Nick's team has done that? Oh, right, nobody. In fact - WR T.Y. Hilton (2pts) has only scored 3 TDs all season. Sure, he's been the deciding factor in a couple of Nick's wins - but his infuriating lack of consistency also tells the tale of the Pig Skins in 2017: sometimes he goes for 150+ yards and sometimes he barely shows up.

With a matchup against Jared up next and Earl on the horizon - Nick better hope for more home runs than bunts in these final weeks if he wants to hold on to his playoff spot. (Especially since James will be giving Earl a win this week and Jeremy a win next week.)

Jared v. Andrew

Sorry. It feels weird typing "Jared v. Andrew" because that makes it sound like Andrew actually played fantasy football this weekend. I mean, he did do some impressive work - let's get that straight. He may be the first team this season to not record a single double digit score in their starting lineup. His 36 points for sure took the 90lb Weakling award for the lowest score of the week as well as the "That's Gotta Hurt" since it was the lowest score of the whole 2017 season. (Fun fact: he actually came in just 4 points better than the worst score in the history of the league.) But Andrew wasn't done with the suck yet! No, he also got the BBB for sitting QB Kirk Cousins (28pts) in favor of "QB" Ryan Fitzpatrick (8pts). (And also came in second place for that same trophy with RB Melvin Gordon (2pts) in the starting lineup while RB Kenyan Drake (18pts) sat on the bench.) At least it looked like he was at safe from taking the Catcher (and subsequently the Trifecta of Suck) since Jared was also having an abysmal week... well, until MNF anyway.

Yes, Jared "Lucky" Tindall rolled into Monday night with a mere 51 points to his name - thanks to just two double digit scores prior to that point: WR Marqise Lee (13pts) and RB Todd Gurley (12pts). So it would only make sense that QB Cam Newton (35pts!) would drop 4 TDs , 254 passing yards and 5 rushes for 95 yards on the hapless Dolphins. I mean, right? Ugh. In the course of one game Jared went from having a score that could've beaten... LITERALLY ONLY THE TEAM HE HAPPENED TO BE PLAYING to a score that could beat... 6 out of 11 other teams in the league. Win? I guess?

Jared moves to 8-2 on the season, tied for first place with Bill. He's still got the third highest total points scored (940) and STILL has the lowest points against (735) by a thirty eight point margin over his next closest competitor for that honor. (That would be Andrew with 773 points against, for those keeping score at home.) Maybe this why I don't necessarily buy that these two teams are as good as their records say they are? Or maybe I'm just bitter. Probably both. Anyway, Jared will likely keep up his ruse against Nick in week 11 as he's currently a 17 point favorite... and Nick's RBs are Duke Johnson and Theo Riddick. As for Andrew - maybe not so much. He comes into this matchup with brother Bill as a 13 point underdog. (Thanks in part to WR Michael Thomas, whom Eric gave to Bill for pretty much nothing sometime during the composition of this recap. I would say more on the matter - but I'm afraid I might throw up in my mouth.)


Spor..... spooooor..... spoooooooorts. .